Walk into B&N

>walk into B&N
>security guard smiles at me, I smile back
>have a large coffee from the Starbucks attached
>in fiction section and about 30 new books are lined up on the floor, spine against the shelf (so I can't see what books they are)
>bend over to pick one up to see what it is
>coffee lid comes off and coffee spills on 10-15 of the books
>calmly place my coffee cup on the shelf and walk out
>smile at the security guard on my way out
>hear an employee yell "awww fuck!" as I leave the store

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That's a funny story but you'd better not go back again in case they have you on camera.

They have me on camera, and I think my first name is on the cup lol

enjoy your time in guantanamo kiddo

>walk into B&N
>walk over the reinterpreted shake spears section
>they only have the emoji translation

>security guard in a book store

Is this one of those American things?

>

>

You can never go back.

kek

>Walk into B&N
>Turn 360° and walk away

>Book dude issues

We have a lot of blacks in America, yes.

I've never seen a security guard at Barnes and Nobles, though. Either I'm not looking hard enough or they only exist in certain areas

Huntington Beach CA here. Security guards in every B&N, they're usually black though, which is a bit paradoxical.

I had this explained to me once, they will steal anything and everything from a building if it can be sold, but if they work for the company it falls under the "that's my shit" category. Therefore whatever they protect is kept under a very watchful eye.

There are darkies in my country but I don't need a guy with a gun watching me while I buy Infinite Jest.

Have you never seen the news?

If a white B&N security guard tried to lay hands on an innocent African American teen they would by law be required to change their name from Barnes & Noble to "The KKK Book Club 1488"

There's always one in the two stores near me, but I live in an extraordinarily rich and white area. From my experiences in private schools in the area, rich white kids of elite families love to rebel by committing petty crimes like smoking weed and shoplifting, so I'm not surprised.

>checkout at B&N
>qt cashier recommends getting a membership
>can't say no
>dish out $25 i'll never get back

Wait what your security guards have guns now?

Damn one more reason to never ever go to America. You guys are dangerous

>checkout at B&N
>fat woman cashier with a chin beard asks my email
>do you need it?
>no
>then no
I don't think I can go back, it was just so awkward.

Have fun in your cuck country when the Muslims come.

In Canada we have security guards at grocery stores. People will load up a cart with hundreds of dollars worth of groceries and just push it out the door.

>X may be shit but at least Y is ALSO shit!

>go into a Barnes and Noble
>don't look at any books

>go into Barnes and Noble
>a neckbeard is sitting crosslegged on the floor reading manga
>every so often he giggles or whispers "ohhh my god" to himself while putting his hands on his head

>Walk into B&N
>Get deported to the YA section because I forgot my ID and I shaved that day

>walk into B&N
>whole display of anti-trump books right in front of the entrance
>you have to ask awkwardly for bathroom access because B&N bathrooms are a known gay cruising hotspot
>more 2/3 of the store is stuff other than books for sale
>in store Starbucks is busy, not a ingle person there is reading
>everyone is just walking around scanning $30 books with their phone to order them for $8 on amazon

>drive past B&N
>see cars in the parking lot
>"people still go there?"
>have a good chuckle

at this point, the only thing that keeps them going is the Starbucks inside. i only buy cheap 2nd hand books online, mostly from Amazon, Thriftbooks, or my fav 2nd hand book store. in 10 years B&N will end up like blockbusters.

I think they also still make money selling gift items like board games and shit like that.

>sitting at my local 'fair trade" coffee roasting house
>trying to cross-reference three different translations of The Possessed
>a girl wearing hot pink shorts with black tights sits down next to me, shoves books off the table
>I, incredulous to what has just happened, ask her why she would do such a thing
>she tells me that she wants to make our first encounter "out of the ordinary" as she is an "extraordinary" girl
>continues to tell me that I'm lucky indeed; she's seen something special in me, she feels a kinship towards me
>she cocks her head to the side and asks if I, like her, read the Animorphs books as a child
>Look. I think you have misunderstood me. Just because I read books in public (although you will note I did take this high-backed booth in the corner of the shoppe for reasons of anonymity and seclusion; my flatmates are rather noisy and I come here for respite and succor) doesn't mean that, like you, I seek attention or recognition for my interests.
>she asks me if that's a quote, she loves quotes, one of her favorites is Vonnegut's "so it went"
>I flag down a barista and ask her for a copy of my receipt, and to put the expenses on my tab
>I knit my eyebrows and address Strawberry Shortcake: We are not the same. I am a literatus, you're a mythological beast.
>I pack my books into my courier bag and exit the shoppe as her grotesque unicorns horn extends from her forehead, tears in her eyes as she returns to the sylvan beyond

pic related it's what she looked like, only prettier and less slutty.

There are coffee table art books that cost like 150 dollars that you can hide under a decent winter jacket

Source: I've lived in the city. I once saw a guy in cuffs with some picasso printing books. Check the price from a second copy in store, it was like 200 bucks.

Reporting this thread to the FBI. You dun goofed m8.

It's easy for a black person to be a security guard. If something ever gets stolen, they can just go to their cousin's house, and get it back.

"'Ey Tyrone, you got dat Pirates of the Caribbean clue shit from the sto? I gon need dat back."
"Aw shieeeet"

>>have a large coffee from the Starbucks attached
Attached to what? Your smile?

The British always used natives to police one another rather than their own forces directly

Why would you turn down a prime manic pixie?

Also that girl isn't slutty and quite pretty

>one of her favorites is Vonnegut's "so it went"
alright that got me

Depends on the place. Barnes&Noble, probably not. But at a site where there are extremely valuable things o a very bad area, possibly.
t.securityfag

the bella terra branch is objectively one of the shittest B&N's to exist

You God damn newfag.

Robery isn't more common in America than European countries.

Yeah it's terrible here, please don't come.

youtu.be/NygOFsExGMU

>so it went
Sublime

Alt-meme or not, greentext or not, you may still have fun in your cuck country when the muslims come.

>vonnegut's "how it do"

Small world. I've been in that b&n a couple times never really noticed security. Work right next to it and don't even bother going in seeing as how I can find most anything on Amazon

*moonwalk away

Especially now since yurop is now filled with rapefugees

But obsession with security is.
Which is worse.

Nicely written-

>go to bookstore
>page turning machine is in use again

>go to bookstore
>page turning machine is out of order
>this girl is doing it manually for customers
what do?

Jaja classic constanzaAa

eh, bookstores will always have their niche. my friend group is about 50/50 on whether they prefer reading hard copies or ebooks; might be anecdotal but i think a lot of people prefer to use bookstores still

This entire thread is fucking hilarious.

>go into Barnes and Noble and need to use the bathroom
>all the bathroom passes are being used

>be 2010
>walk into B&N
>go to the anime section
>cute anime nerd girl sitting criss cross applesauce
>find one of the plastic katanas for sale
>grab it and run over
>"pleased to meet you good lady"
>do a japanese style bow
>whip out katana and start doing some ninja moves
>she starts giggling
>I'm in like doctor who xD
>slash her head off clean
>"nothing pesonelle slut"
>glide off into the self help section and sip my tea

>criss cross applesauce
Cute

>while I buy Infinite Jest.
that's because you already torture yourselves voluntarily.

we've got the mexicans importing rape from brazil user

>I cannot name one single artist of even the third reich

Yes, because the third reich was such a propitious twelve years for German artwork.

>tfw you're banned from B&N because you failed the penis inspection

If I had a bookstore I'd give away all the books for free.

>go to bookstore
>just look around
>never buy anything
>always feel like I'll be stopped on the way out because they suspect I'm shoplifting because I visit often but always just walk out

That's me in every store I visit, in case you wanted to know.

>go to bookstore
>look at religious section
>literally 3 shelfs of joel osteen
>not a single book by GK Chesterton
>go to philosophy section
>more books about Kierkegaard than by Kierkegaard
fuck that store

Cool in theory but you'd get ate up by resellers and people looking for free paperweights.

>go to philosophy section
>Obligatory Nietzsche spam
>The Philosophy of the Big Bang Theory
>Introduction to Karl Marx

The philosophy section is one shelf, and it's extremely depressing. I'm not insulting Marx and Nietzsche, but they're just memes, and it's obvious that Barnes and Noble is trying to cash in on pseuds. I hope that they have the rest of the philosophers hidden away in that 'fiction' section where they keep Ayn Rand and Dostoevsky, and it's just my fault for not looking hard enough.

Although they really need more good fucking Christian Veeky Forums. Do they even have Aquinas and Augustine there?

this one hurt

>can't go to B&N anymore because of the no-singles-policy

You'll be fine, but remember, dont drop the soap.

>walk into Barnes and Noble
>go to attached Starbucks and order a tall (small) coffee and a croissant
>that'll be $20 plus tip

Surefire hit, will be on the lookout for your next masterpiece.

>go to b&n and grab some feminsit books to impress cute cashier
>she's more awkward than me and says nothing
>mfw i spent 15 dollaridoos for nothing

you deserve to be alone

happened the other day
>walk into B&N to see if they have the classics the other store was missing (big sale on them, $5 each)
>qt girl looking at me through window
>make eye contact
>grab Paradise Lost, The Inferno, and the first volume of their Complete Sherlock Holmes
>head to the back to see if they finally have Junji Ito's Uzumaki in
>they do
>reach to grab it
>same girl walks through my path to grabbing the book
>"excuse me"
>say, "oh sorry"
>she puts back an art technique book and leaves
>buy my books and leave

how bad did I fuck up

>go into B&N looking for alien abduction books and other spooky shit
>religion, spirituality, and new age section
>Sunday school kid appears from the shelves and begins talking to me about Jesus

>be white American
>am immediately intimidated by black men because I am physically inferior to them
>carry a gun everywhere to make up for my tiny penis and huge, frail ego
>hire security to protect books I'll never bother to read because black people will steal them or something
>go back to my gated, all white community and bemoan the black menace in my country
>elect a retarded nationalist as president because he said mean things to non-whites
>still think I live in the best country in the world

Why were there books on the floor?

to be fair, black men are intellectually inferior to the other races.

Fuck off, r/the_donald

>implying
r/the_donald bans you for race realism

>be black American
>ooga booga
>collect welfare
>kill other black Americans

>hear an employee yell "awww fuck!" as I leave the store
Kek.

>walk into b&n
>sit down on bench in the magazine section while friend looks for book he needs
>stare at the magazine covers for seven minutes
>friend walks up and says they don't have the book
>walk out of b&n
>walk into mexican restaurant for lunch
>they only take cash
>friend pays for my meal and says i don't have to pay him back because i drove

tao lin

EXCELLENT post tbqh

>emoji translation