Veeky Forums how would you feel if every time you tried cooking gordon ramsay just appeared right next to you and...

Veeky Forums how would you feel if every time you tried cooking gordon ramsay just appeared right next to you and started criticizing you

If he does it in a polite and civil way I'd be ok with it, if he does it like he does on tv being a scripted puppeted monkey I'd smash his face in zero time.

>You
>Being able to hit Ramsay

Since I barely know anything I guess I'd accept his criticism and ask for tips.

Id feel like i was getting paid to be on television.

No one gives a fuck about ramsay anymore. Having a mastery of the very basics is only impressive to those who have not mastered the very basics.

>a wild opponent appears

CHIP BUTTY
AND
FAGGOTS WITH GRAVY

SUCK ON A FAG AFTER DINNER

I would shoot him for trespassing.

>implying I even cook

I would charge fans for the opportunity to have me summon him into their presence

My current chef and my previous chef both had personal experiences with Ramsey. Current chef says that he'd idolized him a lot, and after he'd finished his jobs in the kitchen he went over to briefly mention that Ramsey had been a big inspiration to him. Ramsey laughed in his face and told him to go back to peeling his potatoes and told him to fuck off. The previous chef hadn't personally interacted interacted with him one on one, but he said that Ramsey pulled the same shit with anyone who tried to talk to him (particularly apprentices) so he kept his distance. Neither of these chefs knew each other, either.

His restaurants are apparently incredibly wasteful too, virtually all the stock is thrown out every night and replaced from new the next day because he can afford it, a lot of equipment too.

I would be happy to have him teach me because he's actually a pretty nice guy. Just listen to what he says and don't be an idiot.

>and don't be an idiot.

that's the hard part

Try making a Gordon Ramsay tulpa.

He's really not. It's the times when he's kind and patient that are the act, not the times when he's arrogant and aggressive.

I'd probably do this^, until he gave feedback based entirely on a subjective opinion that I disagree with. At that point you just have to lay down the law and tell him to fuck off back to his own kitchen if he wants it done his way. Otherwise he'll just start to get more and more domineering and insufferable the more you ignore him.

>"Gordon what am I doing wrong exactly"
>"Can you show me how?"
>stop getting criticized
>start getting schooled by a master

I met Gordon Ramsay while walking on a bike path on Cape Cod in 2013. He was the only person for ages so I smiled and nodded at him. He did not return the gesture, however his companion did, and gave me an 'I'm terribly sorry he's an ass' look. If he appeared next to me while I was cooking and attempted to criticize me I'd make fun of his male pattern baldness and call him a cuck.

What if he were sitting at home masturbating and then suddenly he was teleported into my kitchen, dick in hand, and had to stop mid-stroke in order to yell at me. Would that be crazy or what. Haha.

Also this.

You're not stroking it right!

>*catches your fist in one hand*

Don't be stupid.

WHERE IS THE MAN SAUCE???

Call the police

I would get some Knorr® Stock pots and bramley apples and refuse to let the knife do the work then remark that the british have abhorrent food and the french are superior and cook my steak to well done

>I ain't no bitch

I'd learn how to make balling cereal and sandwiches.
Because that's the only thing I can cook.

A KNOB OF BUTTER

>literally use butter the size of a door knob

Fucking fantastic. It would be a great chance to either:
1) learn from the master if we're talking British or French food
2) school his ass if he's trying to correct me regarding things I know I can do better.

t. Idiot Sandwich

>setup an elaborate trap to ensnare him
>start cooking so he appears in my trap
>send a ransom note to his family and demand millions of dollars
>make off with my millions of dollars to some cheap shithole like Thailand or something
>live like a king the rest of my life

I'd grab him by the back of his collar and pants and give him the bums rush right out the front door or window.

Cool. I learn from criticism. I wasn't raised by a single mom.
He's not wrong to do that tho. Don't spill your spaghetti at work and expect to be taken seriously. If he's really that meaningful to you then show it by doing the best job you can with the most hustle you can muster

It Britain knob means "cockhead"
Take that as you will

>WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE IF YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THIS SIMPLE FUCKING TASK?

At least I would have someone to cook for.

This. The "knobs" on doors are called "grabby-wabbys" or "grasperoos" depending on what part of the country you are from.

It's my house, why are you here if you can't teach me?

Gordon, this is my house. I live here.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN

>Shuffle off to living room while he finishes the dish
>Still eat dish cuz it's still my house
>????
>Profit

>Ramsey laughed in his face and told him to go back to peeling his potatoes and told him to fuck off

That's just being British, they are culturally obligated to reject all forms of affection.