I am wasting my life

>27
>Just returning from the law firm. 9:00 pm(EST) on a Friday
>Spent the ages of 17-24 wanting desperate to write a book
>Wrote stories, editor, newspaper contributed.
>Panic senior year, crave job security over pursuing writing.
>Law school.
>Fire to write burning me alive for three years. Squeeze out a few chapter of absolute turd.
>Get job in big city.
>Fire to write melting my insides
>write less and less
>work more and more
>no time or energy for anything but work and sleep

Oldfags who've escaped this horrible cycle, how'd you do it. If you haven't escaped, how do you justify your existence?

I'm having trouble convincing myself this sort of life is worth living.

Keep a dream journal.

I am a bit younger than you are, so my advice might not be as infused with wisdom as you might like it to be.
However, I have gone through a situation comparable to yours. In fact, my situation was even worse, I quit a good full time job for a mediocre lower paying part time job to focus on my writing. Despite longer hours of free time I still neglected my writing. I realized that despite whatever situation I'm in, in terms of responsibilities, I'll always find an excuse to write less and less, to bottle up that deep desire to write with whatever excuse seemed handy at the present moment. I am predisposed to find a ridiculous excuse not to write seem rational. Like you, I felt like I was caught up in an endless cycle of mediocrity fueled by a lack of discipline. I got out of it by realizing that the solution is more simple than I was making it in my head. There is so much unnecessary baggage that writers carry around, when in reality the only thing to writing is just sitting down and getting it out. There are a million cliches that you could repeat as mantras, like Just Do It, but really those mantras are just more baggage, more excess if they don't translate into results.
You cannot fix a blank page. My advice to you is to squeeze out more turds. Even if what you are writing is the worst of the worst, even if it makes you cringe, just keep going, because a turd is better than a blank page.

Work less

boo hoo

bad idea

No. People don't need to work as much as they do. Be more frugal and less wasteful

>returning from law firm
>wasted life

Yes my anger is palpable

How is this a horrible cycle? I only found happiness through wagecuckery. Did wonders for my social and dating life. Too busy and tired to worry about "big" questions.

You need to keep designated separate space for writing, relaxation, and work. If you are tired from work and you sit down at home, your writing and relaxation are in competition. Don't sleep, eat, or watch tv in the same room as your write/ Try to put as much distance between the two, the method of loci is more than just for memory. If you are lucky enough to have one of those inner city yards with the wooden fences and narrow secluded feel, I'd suggest getting a fold up chair and writing out there. The closeness of the space is alhambraic.

Whenever I am in a rut I try to move, it doesn't matter where. I know people who write exclusively while on the train. If one has trouble with dialogue for example, just eavesdropping on the proles dialect can give a lot of insight. Also it's better to write in the early morning, I've found, I have the most focus then and can drink coffee.

OP most likely makes copies and is the office bitch.

It is true that the most important things that wealth can bring you are basic necessities in the western world like electricity, water, etc.
Nevertheless, what you are saying is bullshit and runs counter to being human. Work and responsibility is what gives us meaning in life. OP doesn't gain meaning from work not because of the degree to which he works, but rather the type. It's a difference of type and not of degree. I take it that in your post the assumption is that he works less and writes more, but like says
>despite whatever situation I'm in, in terms of responsibilities, I'll always find an excuse to write less and less

>work is what gives us meaning
Protestant detected

Well regardless of how young you are, this struck the right key.

I've sort of felt that even if I had 8 hours a day, I'd find reasons not to write during those hours (like right now, for example).

A turd certainly is better than a blank page.

Thanks, user.

Why are you angry? It may be a big law firm, but I spend 80 hours a week assorting exhibits for trial, reading financial records, and doing legal research, confined in a box under fluorescent lights. The idea being that they'll pay me enough money to incentivize my wasting my twenties and some of my thirties, since I'm not able to enjoy this money anyway.

It's all a balance. Cliche as it is, time is the most valuable thing.

Bukowski made it while working in a post office, so it's possible. If you don't have time to be long, write shorter things. Try to write just one short poem per day. At the end of the year you'll have 365 of them.

Writing is also a waste of time, and it doesn't even pay well.

>Writing is also a waste of time, and it doesn't even pay well

This. There isn't even anything left worth saying that hasn't already been said as well as it could possibly be said before

There are always new things worth saying, but saying them does not make your life better.

I'm really sorry to hear about your successful career.

I'd disagree, to me it means that you're too scared of life so you hide in death. You intentionally kill off a vital part of your being to avoid finding yourself at standoff with some terrible mystery, am I fraud? Could i end up like Icarus, daring to burden me, a low and decaying creature, too impotent for the impossibly difficult project of potentiality.

It seems like you've rationalized your not writing as some type of achievement. Lawyerman, you have to be willing to risk a dying a bit in order to live.

>stop expressing yourself

How about no? You utilitarian sperg.