Hey Veeky Forums. I'm making chewy chocolate chip cookies tonight. I guess it's a follow-along for those who want to know how to make decent chewy cookies. Here's what you'll need, if you can't see it all in the pic related:
>8tbsp butter (I have only 4 left so 3tbsp is going to be cancer-oil) >1/2 cup white, pure Columbian cocaine >1/4 cup of packed brown sugar. Add a pinch more for optimal chewiness. >1 egg >2tsp of poverty vanilla extract >1/4tsp democrat tears (salt) >1/2tsp baking soda >2 cups flour >3/4 cup of chocolate chips, though it is best used with chunks rather than chips imho. But I didn't have much of a choice so here I have milk chocolate chips.
Noah Clark
So, you first want to put your butter in a bowl and melt it down. You don't want it hot, but basically softened. For a stick, 30 seconds in the microwave is perfect.
Nathan Lewis
Then, add in the brown sugar and cocaine and mix until until smooth. You could technically snort the mixture if you're impatient, but it gives you mad boogers so I don't recommend it.
Michael Long
If using cancer oil, add that in. Chances are, you need to microwave it for 11 seconds like I just did to make it look like this.
John Wilson
Put some chicken period in there and the poverty vanilla, and mix it until it's integrated. But not too long or the cookies will be as stiff as my erection.
At this time, preheat the oven to 350°F.
Nicholas Sanchez
Add everything else and mix until you get this kind of consistency. If it's too dry and crumbly of a dough, add splashes of milk until it is like this. If it's too wet, as small amounts of flour until it isn't.
Adam Carter
Drop your cookies on an ungreased sheet. You're technically supposed to roll them into balls, but I'm a lazy motherfucker so I drop them then pinch em gently so they aren't all over the place.
Joseph Robinson
this has all been very lazily and poorly done user
Blake Turner
Put them in the oven for 12 minutes and, while you're waiting, you can finish watching tonight's episode of Dragonball Super
Nathaniel Murphy
More just poorly done since I'm living in squalor. I'd use better ingredients if I could.
Joseph Price
Anyways, if you're lazy, poor, drunk, high, or whatever, these are bretty gud for the effort and time it takes.
Jaxon Smith
>imitation vanilla extract neck yourself, heretic
Joseph Baker
Hey OP, any tips on how to make shit like this taste 10/10?
Josiah Parker
he called it poverty vanilla for a reason
Tyler Peterson
Put chocolate pudding in the mix
Joshua Diaz
Didn't even read the list of ingredients, just went directly to the pic to see if was imitation in order to berate him
Jacob Miller
Trust me, I've tried. I know that it's shit bc I would use the organic, imported vanilla if I had the opportunity.
Nathaniel Bennett
Forget about it, I am just angry because a week ago I saw several 2oz organic vanilla extract bottles on a clearance shelf and only got two and I am now down to one bottle
Chase Richardson
Did OP leave without posting pictures of cookies completed?
Jacob Anderson
If you want really good chewy chocolate chunk cookies, I recommend doing it the right way.
You want these ingredients: >1 free range, vegan fed chicken egg >1 3/4 cups organic, non-GMO, free trade, unbleached whole wheat (or almond) flour >8tbsp of grass-fed, free range, European butter from the native cows of the Alscace-Lorraine region >2tsp of pure organic, rainforest allianced vanilla extract imported directly from Madagascar. Beans must be plucked by enslaved natives. >1/2 cup of raw, organic, non-GMO cane sugar with a coarse texture for your palate >3/4 cup of organic, rainforest alliance, non-GMO, free trade, South American cacao processed with alkali chocolate chunks. Feel free to buy whole bars and chop it yourself. >1/2tsp of Whole Foods gluten-free baking soda >1/4tsp of Himalayan pink salt >1/4 cup of packed, natural, organic, non-GMO light brown sugar crystals. Add a pinch more for optimal spiritual guidance.
Then, you want to follow the same sort of directions I posted above, but in your favorite hand-carved wooden bowl (preferably mahogany) and you want to use a sterling silver whisk for most of it. When it comes to adding the dry ingredients, you want to use your favorite quartz crystal until it's time to scoop and roll your chi-cleansing dough into spheres. For your baking sheet, you want a slab of petrified wood and put it in an outdoor fire oven (out of direct flame, of course). And you want to throw some sage into that fire to cleanse your cookies of any negative spirits. After about 13 minutes in your DIY clay oven, you want them to cool down by waifing some vanilla and citrus essence over the cookies for about 20 minutes.
Jaxon King
Finished product of my initial batch of cookies. I had to actually put them in the over for about 3 more minutes afterwards, with the oven off. But now they're done! Enjoy with milky.
Luis Hall
Nice pasta meme.
Dominic Perry
I actually wrote that out. I'm flattered you thought it was pasta, though.
Ryder Sullivan
Thanks to those who followed along and got to having some cookies
Aaron Morris
use nearly boiling water and use extra egg yolks and butter instead of the veg oil.