"Have you ever gotten a blow job?"

>"Have you ever gotten a blow job?"
>"Urn, that's out of the blue," I said.
>"The blue?"
>"Like, you know, out of left field."
>"Left field?"
>"Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?"
>"I've just never geeven one," she answered, her little voice dripping with seductiveness. It was so brazen. I thought I would explode. I never thought. I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff was one thing. But to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden…
>"No," I said. "I never have."
>"Think it would be fun?"
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?! "Urn. yeah. I mean, you don't have to."
>"I think I want to," she said, and we kissed a little, and then. And then with me sitting watching The Brady Bunch, watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my pants and pulled my boxers down a little and pulled out my penis.
>"Wow," she said.
>"What?"
>She looked up at me, but didn't move, her face nanometers away from my penis. "It's weird."
>"What do you mean weird?"
>"Just beeg, I guess." I could live with that kind of weird.
>And then she wrapped her hand around it and put it into her mouth. And waited. We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn't quite sure what. She stayed still. I could feel her nervous breath. For minutes, for as long as it took the Bradys to steal the key and unlock themselves from the ghost-town jail, she lay there, stock-still with my penis in her mouth, and I sat there, waiting. And then she took it out of her mouth and looked up at me quizzically.
>"Should I do sometheeng?"
>"Urn. I don't know," I said. Everything I'd learned from watching porn with Alaska suddenly exited my brain. I thought maybe she should move her head up and down, but wouldn't that choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
>"Should I, like, bite?"
>"Don't bite! I mean, I don't think. I think — I mean, that felt good. That was nice. I don't know if there's something else."
>"I mean, you deedn't—" "Urn. Maybe we should ask Alaska."
>So we went to her room and asked Alaska. She laughed and laughed. Sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried. She walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us. In detail. Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete. Lara and I went back to her room, where she did exactly what Alaska told her to do, and I did exactly what Alaska said I would do, which was die a hundred little ecstatic deaths, my fists clenched, my body shaking. It was my first orgasm with a girl, and afterward, I was embarrassed and nervous, and so, clearly, was Lara, who finally broke the silence by asking, "So, want to do some homework?"

Not literature.

if you only ever read looking for alaska it's actually a pretty good book (i read it was i was 13)

but now that i've read other shit by john green i realize it's the same tired formula and that he's incapable of anything else

100% correct.

>have you ever gotten a John Green signature blowjob?
>no
>Alaska or whatever put my penis in her mouth and in like 2 second my dick was all like BAM and she started sucking super hard and fast and her tounge was all like woosh woosh fwap la bop thoop fwip, and I busted a nut so hard blood vessels in my eyes exploded, and all the little girl readers got tingly feelings, and then Award Winning Author John Green masturbated knowing what he'd done.

>"Like, you know, out of left field."
>"Left field?"
>"Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?"
I don't even know why I'm laughing so hard.

>so hard blood vessels in my eyes exploded.
Urn. That's some image, user.

I've never read a John Green book, but the way he speaks on YT makes me think that his books are awful.

No one that bland can possibly write a worthwhile novel

CRASH

Today I will remind them.

>The book has been challenged for content dealing with sexually explicit situations.[11] Two teachers at Depew High School near Buffalo, New York, used the book for eleventh grade instruction in 2008. A letter was sent to parents advising them that the book contained controversial content. An alternate reading selection was available for those opting out, and a small percentage of parents chose this option. Nevertheless, the book was challenged on the grounds that it is "pornographic" and "disgusting". One parent even went as far as refusing to read the book himself, reportedly saying that "One does not need to have cancer to diagnose cancer". The book was ultimately kept in the curriculum by the school board after a unanimous school board vote. Green defended his book in his vlog.[12]

>In March 2012, The Knoxville Journal reported that a parent of a 15-year-old Karns High School student objected to the book's placement on the Honors and Advanced Placement classes' required reading lists for Knox County high schools on the grounds that its sex scene and its use of profanity rendered it pornography.[13]