This is essentially a cry for help.
I am very close to ending my life, and I'm really just looking for any books written by somebody who had their entire idealogical system and Will-To-Live collapse but who found a reason to live anyway.
Please no Camus, absurdism and the Sisyphus metaphor doesn't cut it.
Please no religious texts.
I think I've hit bottom and it seems more real than ever.
The Power of Now
But, if you cannot read spanish, them you better die now
Isn't Tolle's stuff spiritual? My aunt is a big fan of his but she's a pretty wacko new-ager.
Man's Search For Meaning?
Read Alfred Schweitzer's philosophy on the Reverence for Life.
I highly suggest reading Night by Elie Wiesel. It's not exactly what you requested but it changed my life. I have depression and believe me there is a difference between depression and real life fucking depression. I know honey. I do. I am keeping you in my thoughts and heart.
Tolle is spiritual but the lesson learnt from that book doesn't have to be.
The kind of shift back into meaning that you're hoping for doesn't really come from reading any single thing. It comes from changes inside YOU, changes that come as a result of reading many things, sometimes inconsequential or minor things, for a long enough that they can gel and mix together and reveal new perspectives.
It's the ancient distinction between wisdom and knowledge. Knowledge is necessary for wisdom, but wisdom comes from slowly reworking, nuancing, and even overturning your character, by gaining knowledge.
This recent shift that you've gone through is almost certainly (unless every wise-ass philosopher guy in history is completely wrong) just a necessary but painful step, one stage of knowledge, in your journey toward more complete wisdom. You should give yourself a break, spiritually, by keeping in mind that you don't have to have everything figured out. You can just free-float for a while, while your consciousness tries out new possibilities. Paradoxically, you won't be able to tell where you're going to end up from your current position, but once you get there you'll realize it was obvious the whole time.
Lots of people have been where you are now. It really sucks. But you're not alone in it. You're not even alone in thinking of possible solutions as a set of positions (like absurdism) none of which seems to cut it. Just try to weather the storm for now. Don't let yourself get isolated, don't let yourself fall into a slump, keep exposing your brain to new stimuli and experiences and people.
No jews please.
Thank you.
Only English please.