Your writing style comes off as quirky for the sake of being quirky. "I feel thematic"? Fucking really? What is the point of the goat aside? How does his shitty breakfast remind him of a goat getting its brain blown out? Is any of this relevant in any sense? Somehow I doubt it. In this entire passage, you've managed to say absolutely nothing.
You're trying too hard to be "unique" (and you're not being unique, everyone and their fucking dog tries and fails at stream of consciousness and is left with diarrhetic prose) with your prose and your style, to the detriment of your story. You should find something to say before you worry about how you're going to say it.
Kevin Morgan
No point made
Jonathan Davis
well, that's sort of the point. The whole story revolves around the fact that the characters are wandering, aimless though the world. I can understand where you're coming from, but I think you're also inferring a dishonesty that isn't there.
Also this is only two paragraphs.
The whole thing is basically a cathartic exercise, for me to work off my angst. It's three people who love each other, but they're stupid teenagers with no direction (I'm not a teenager).
I think my question is more if the writing is in any way viable. The plot and where it's going is my problem, so you don't have to worry about it much.
Henry Reyes
I always like to be constructive when I'm critiquing here on Veeky Forums, but this is genuinely one of the worst things I've ever read.
If that's a shitpost then well done. If real then take the good advice of the above posters as well as learning basic grammar.
Brayden Jones
well, that makes me sad, but I'm going to finish writing my story anyway.
Lucas Hill
Good on you write for yourself and for its own sake.
Shits not too awful btw but seriously do fix up the grammar
Robert Edwards
Don't be sad about my thoughts. We've all written garbage at some point and it's an essential part of evolution as a writer. Just make sure you take the advice here and keep reading and learning from what you read.
Camden Smith
Okay sport, fair enough. Now explain what "I feel thematic" means.
Mason Jones
>raughing internerry
Asher Long
Yeah, I've always had a problems with that. I always oscillate between styles and tenses- even between sentences, so it usually ends up a mess. I always try to go back and fix it, but considering I'm going for a full on novel this time, getting is full draft finished is what I'm working on now.
Thank you. I'll try the best I can to internalize the critic. Like I said, this story is a catharsis for me, but I would like it if other people enjoyed it too.
??? thematic adjective 1. having or relating to subjects or a particular subject. "the book is organized into nine thematic chapters" 2. LINGUISTICS relating to or denoting the theme of a sentence. "some languages use special affixes to mark thematic and non-thematic elements"
He's got mexican food in front of him, and it reminds him of a mexican themed party he went to. He feels mexican themed. I know I'm not a great writer or anything, but not knowing what thematic means sounds like a you problem.
