Quick test thread to see how long it takes for Veeky Forums's version of barneyfag to appear posting the same copypasta...

>As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing.

Doesn't this phrase never actually appear in the book?

I can't think of a reason why the gnomes had to cook their food if they can spawn water out of nothing.

The house elves cook the food and its teleported into the great hall. I think it was the 4th book where Hermione says its impossible to create something from nothing, which implies the water must come from somewhere as the food does

speak again!

I don't think malfoy was irredeemably evil. He couldn't bring himself to kill Dumbledore, and he was very noncomittal when Bellattrix asked him to identify Harry. He also showed genuine shock and remorse at Crabbe's death.
And I'll dispute that Harry never had to work for anything. He was worked to the bone at the Durselys, during the Triwizard Tournament, etc. He was a mediocre student.

Hermione references a law of tranfiguration in book 7, saying that you can modify and increase things like food by magic, but you can't create it out of thin air.

It appears exactly once at the beginning of the book

Even though all the books have shitty writing at least the earlier books have a charm to them. I swear about halfway through the fifth book everything went to shit.

The fifth was the one I disliked the most, because Harry was such an angsty bitch, but I guess that's accurate for most teenagers. I liked 6 just based on the meetings with Dumbledore.
You're definitely right that the charm was much stronger in the first few.

It went from being a fantasy/mystery book (for some reason people never acknowledge the mystery part) to a fantasy/drama. The fifth book was 25% being stuck in a shitty house not using any logic to clean it and 75% being stuck in a school with a massive cunt that everybody was too pussy to do anything over. Sixth book was Harry telling his two best friends that he thinks Malfoy is a deatheater planning something (and even brings up evidence to back it up) just to have everyone tell him he's being overdramatic- SURPRISE MALFOY'S A DEATHEATER. Seventh book was absolute garbage, and i don't want to even take the time listing why it's trash.

To be fair, Harry had accused Malfoy (or Snape) of being behind every single bad deed, and been wrong every time up until that point. The real big twist was Snape the good guy all along

>Snape was the good guy all along
Fuck i hate how hard J.K Rowling tried making Snape a beloved character in the seventh book, to the point where Harry named one of his kids after him. Up until that point he was just a petty piece of shit, and he even died a petty piece of shit. But now he has a massive following of people that are delusional enough to think otherwise.

Snape was a hero. He spied on Voldemort and protected Harry all through the series, despite hating his guts. He was petty, as you say, but every time it really mattered, Snape did the right thing.

>did the right thing
he got completely cucked by james potter or whoever the fuck harrys dad is

rowling wants to encourage young men to raise other mens kids

He didn't raise him or even like him. He kept him from being murdered.
Yeah, his obsession with Harry's mother is sad and beta, but he's hardly a cuckold by any reasonable definition of the word.

>He got cucked by James Potter
Someone doesn't understand what cucking is, and if anything Snape screwed himself over by being a cunt to Lily.

I'd read a rewrite of Harry Potter where Harry is Snape and Lily's son.

have you ever heard of being a child?

>as if it wasn't strongly implied in the original

>Voldemort is the most powerful dark wizard of all time and the greatest existential threat to the wizarding world in recent memory
>He gets absolutely BTFO every year by a trio of children.

>Racism against half-bloods, squibs and muggle-borns is bad
>Muggles are constantly portrayed as being objectively inferior and this is the view of basically every character except possibly Ron's dad.

>House Elf slavery is bad
>Meanwhile every elf except Dobby are more like the slaves from Gone With the Wind than anything resembling a critical depiction of slavery.

Rowling is a fucking hack.

If I can suspend my disbelief for magic I can extend that to love having magical plot-powers.

The ending however was total bullshit and makes no sense.

>I don't think malfoy was irredeemably evil. He couldn't bring himself to kill Dumbledore, and he was very noncomittal when Bellattrix asked him to identify Harry. He also showed genuine shock and remorse at Crabbe's death.
This. Malfoy was just a punk who thought all this Death Eater shit was cool, but when he got involved in it for real he found he didn't like but couldn't back out.

>>Voldemort is the most powerful dark wizard of all time and the greatest existential threat to the wizarding world in recent memory
>>He gets absolutely BTFO every year by a trio of children.
I can't fault the series for that, it's just an inherent part of the genre.

>House Elf slavery is bad
>Meanwhile every elf except Dobby are more like the slaves from Gone With the Wind than anything resembling a critical depiction of slavery.
This was really weird and confusing though. The books do make Hermione look like an idealistic idiot for opposing elf slavery. Even Harry, Ron, and Hagrid, who we're supposed to like, don't take her seriously. If Rowling wasn't such an SJW in real life, I could almost interpret it as actually being pro-slavery.

Checked.

>seventh book was absolute garbage

It had some good stuff in it, like Nazi wizards, fetus Voldemort in purgatory, and gay Nazi Dumbledore.

What mostly sucked about Deathly Hallows was the trio spending most of their time doing nothing and the fan fiction-y epilogue.

>This was really weird and confusing
They were simply so oppressed they didn't know it;
in that respect the uprising Hermione intends to
provoke would be more like the Suffragette move-
ment, with a good part of the targeted group being
resistant to change. This might also explain why
it's Hermione reaching out to the elves while the
ignorant males accept the status quo.
Dobby is an exception, of course; possibly also
Kreatcher.

I like to think that the epilogue takes place in
Harry's imagination immediately after the previous events.

Was anyone else ever bothered by the fact that Hermione thought she could free the house elves even though she wasn't the one who employed them? Also they can obviously pick up clothes to clean, or else laundry would pile up nonstop.

>as if it wasn't strongly implied in the original
Pshaw. Citations?

>Muggles are constantly portrayed as being objectively inferior and this is the view of basically every character except possibly Ron's dad.
Other exceptions: Harry, Hermione, every single Weasley, every Order of the Phoenix member, most Hogwarts teachers, most Muggle-borns, most halfbloods, etc. Literally every "good" character in the series treats Muggles as equal.

>>Meanwhile every elf except Dobby are more like the slaves from Gone With the Wind than anything resembling a critical depiction of slavery.
1. Winky and Hokey were also examples of cruelty to elves.
2. This is a children's book series, not an SJW manifesto.

Was Malfoy in the wrong?

>time turners
>moody seeing through Death's invisibility cloak
>Crouch Jr. being able to get away with all the shit he did in book 4
>all of book 4's convoluted ass plot to get Harry to win the cup
>"Voldemort and his followers can't be back! They were imperiused!"
>quidditch world cup incident
>abandoned plot points (like other wizarding communities, bar the brief sections we get in book 4, we barely see any other wizard culture)
>"Hur dur I had everything planned from the very beginning!"
>literally got so much shit for the time turner bullshit Rowling destroyed them all in book 5, and that you couldn't make more because...?
>emo faggot Harry in book 5-6
>unexplained gold fire in book 7
>Dumbledore insists Harry live with the potentially abusive, and definitely neglectful dursleys, despite him hating it.
>the wizarding world is so retarded as to believe everything 1 newspaper printed out
>everyone thought Harry was the heir of slytherin, then thought he was a cheat, then a lunatic, and each time they were proved wrong
>Fucking Hagrid and his big fucking mouth

Reminder that Neville Longbottom is the true protagonist of this series and the only character to go through a defining character arc.

i wish rowling had gone all the way with this and just completely dropped harry and had neville be the true chosen one.

This is exactly what makes the books good though. It doesn't portray prejudice as a black and white thing and actually gives the characters reasonable motives to consider themselves superior. Likewise it shows how a culture can internalize oppression and treat actual slavery as a default aspect of reality and social order. This is far better than having this shit only be done by actively malicious people.

I couldn't even get past the first few pages. I always thought this was a book for 10 year old girls with no friends.

Jesus, imagine if Harry died in the fourth book and the point of view was from Neville after that

So true, the 5th sucked. 6th was a return to form IMO but then 7th was back to the angsty 5th shit .

How do you guys remember all this stuff? I read all the books when I was in 6th grade and literally can't remember anything beyond major characters' names and broad plot details.

>I read the books in sixth grade
they're not that hard to fuckin remember, lad. You should remember them well, given that you read them 2 years ago.

b&

What did Bloom mean by this?

That he probably speedread the first 50 pages and made up some sort of grievance to justify his prejudice. I wonder if the people who meme him on here have actually read Bloom he's not a great critic or even writer outside of a few select topics. He is a funny and interesting personality though, which is probably what gives him meme status.

>this will get kids to read Stephen King
I fail to see the problem in that.

i always wondered why is that a bad thing?
after all realistically speaking the choice is not, read the greeks or harry potter + stephen king
but read anything or dumb down infront of jersey shores or whatever mindless retardation people watch today.

There are a lot of people that agree with you, and a lot of fanfiction that address it pretty well, including Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. There are a lot of things, like Malfoy talking to Harry in the beginning, without even knowing who he was, and him being dressed like a hobo. That kind of thing.

methods of rationality is a long slog through a lot of boring shit tbqh. I couldn't even finish the whole thing, barely worth reading.

So doesn't mean that they would only have to cook one dish and then just multiply it for everyone.

Draco clearly was tsundere for Gryffindor dick.

If you’re gonna put diversity in your book’s lore, it should never be an afterthought with no explicit mention in the book. It might as well not be there in the first place if you do. This is especially a horrible idea if the character you’re revealing to be gay has been killed off before you revealed it.

>Draco blushes around Harry
>P-potter!
I buy it

I find the implication that everyone else who died wasn't loved by their mother to be kinda funny

either that or Lily used a ritual to imbue her soul into Harry upon her death to protect him. The fact that Voldemort's soul somehow vaulted out of his body and split apart on it's own is just ridiculous though. It's canon that you need a special ritual to cast your split soul from your body, so how exactly did Voldemort's soul just tear out of him? .