Veeky Forums I need books that deal with the loss of youth and misspent childhood.
Today I saw some kids, maybe 14-15yo, walking together down the street having fun just enjoying being alive, and suddenly I got this horrible feeling. I realized that I never had that, and even worse, that any chance of having that is long gone by now. I thought of all the other things I missed out on; young love, high school etc. It's all gone and it kills me, I've been thinking about it for at least a few years now and every time I do it makes me feel incredibly upset. Most of my friends had sex for the first time at 14, 15 or 16 years old. I thought they were stupid for it, and saved myself for after I became an adult. I'm 20 now, a kissless virgin, and even if I had sex now it wouldn't be the same, there wouldn't be that spark, it wouldn't begin with friendship and evolve naturally into something serious, my partner wouldn't be a virgin so even if it is exciting for me it will not be nearly as exciting for her.
And don't get the wrong impression, I'm not some r9k shitter, I have good looks and I have no doubt I could get a cute gf, and it's not that I want her to be a virgin, in the sense of 'untainted', it's just that I want it to be equally as exciting, equally as new for her as it is for me. And the hookup culture totally breaks this expectation for both parties, which leaves me feeling kinda jaded.
So yeah I need some kind of closure here or I feel like I can't continue.
Veeky Forums I need books that deal with the loss of youth and misspent childhood
nice blogpost, faggot
The catcher in the rye
Faggot
>it kills me
>Falling for the summer love post-2000 meme
/r9k/ is dumb and ugly
There is more in life other than putting your pee pee into bagina and its not nearly as romantic and magical as you made it out to be
I mean yeah I understand that, rose-colored glasses and all that. But I think you're able to say that because you've done it. Saying "it's not that great anyway" doesn't seem to help because in the end what is wanted is the opportunity to say so; the memory of having done it regardless of whether it was a mistake or not, since after all a memory is transfigured, things that seemed bad at the time get remembered in a positive light. I don't think that's wrong or naive, I think its precisely that positive outlook on our memories that allow us to criticize it. It's a kind of closure in the subconscious that lets you think clearly about it and move on. I can't think clearly about it, and I can't help that fact, nor can I find closure by sheer force of will. In fact, knowing that something isn't what you make it out to be is even more painful, because then what exactly is my issue, what do I even want if that's the case? Maybe this is a common feeling that underpins all human experience but which in my case is artificially inflated by my own narcissism and desire, with the misspent youth narrative as a mere scapegoat. The guilt resulting from the fact that I already have all the answers but am so selfish that I refuse to accept them also weighs heavily on me.
You should realize you are still very young, you could date a 16 year old if it's legal where you are. Otherwise, there are plenty of late teens and early twenties girls who are virgins. Withdrawing into books is the absolute worst thing you could do for yourself right now. Get out and live your life, college can potentially be the best time in life, much better than high school, don't waste the opportunity.
you should get into buddhism. your desires have more control of you than you realize. you are not obligated existentially to fulfill all of them. as you mature, you will realize that the greatest sense of satisfaction comes not from receiving and experiencing everything --because there is always something more to experience, another aesthetic, another romance, and always something that you had that is falling away-- but acceptance and love of yourself as you are and for what you have.
This
OP is just 17 yo
If you have the looks and you have even some semblance of intelligence and speaking ability become a jaded reactionary. Funny how some problems, especially yours, can look so small from a different perspective
I had a summer love.
Fell in love in August and moved apart on Christmas.
It is the most memorable relationship to another human being I have ever had.
She shaped me more than most anyone (except for my parents ofc but that is so very different).
She showed me so much and not just benis-bagina but simply because she helped me get close to someone and explore myself more than I ever could on my own.
Don't belittle young love. It is often purer and more beautiful than more adult love
>Today I saw some kids, maybe 14-15yo, walking together down the street having fun just enjoying being alive, and suddenly I got this horrible feeling.
Hello OP, I know how you feel, sometimes I feel the same, tho lately I am just so dead inside that I don't feel anything more, other than hatred.
>It's all gone and it kills me
Welcome OP, take a sit, let's eat some candy to avoid pain and suffering and keep believing our own lies that allow us to live another day like nature wants us to do.
>Most of my friends had sex for the first time at 14, 15 or 16 years old. I thought they were stupid for it, and saved myself for after I became an adult. I'm 20 now, a kissless virgin, and even if I had sex now it wouldn't be the same, there wouldn't be that spark, it wouldn't begin with friendship and evolve naturally into something serious, my partner wouldn't be a virgin so even if it is exciting for me it will not be nearly as exciting for her.
This dosen't realy is all true. I lost mine when I was amoust 19, and we both were virgins. First time sex isen't this all great let me tell you, especialy when you both are virgins (with is the probability for many >16yo's), it may sound as a sparkle because since you were a kid, doing "adult stuff" is exciting. But realy, even if you do it very late in life, it will be a unique experience (the first time always is the best in this category, because the more you do it, the more trivil it turns), no matter your age.
>I thought they were stupid for it, and saved myself for after I became an adult.
You were stupid as a kid huh? It's okay OP, we all were (some of us still remain)
> And the hookup culture totally breaks this expectation for both parties, which leaves me feeling kinda jaded.
Dont follow this, this hookup culture is garbage for when you want HONEST AND TRUE LOVE [copyrigthed by Chris-chan]. Neither me and my wife (the one with I lost my virginity) gave up one another for years, and true and honest love is always what is good in life.
If you wanna a book about feeling the "loss of youth", maybe The Stranger by Albert Camus.
Is the only one it comes in my mind, tho I am sure The Catcher in the Rye is more famous as said.
Dont worry OP, growing up is depressing at the beggining, because life sucks, but soon you will be so beaten up and dead inside that the only thing you will feel anymore is hatred for mankind.
And all the other stuff too, but in bad days, you wish you had nukes
fag
>Dont worry OP, growing up is depressing at the beggining, because life sucks, but soon you will be so beaten up and dead inside that the only thing you will feel anymore is hatred for mankind
t. 18 year old
lolita
You don't need to worry about any of that, in fact you seem in a good position to do something great; do that instead.
Sartre's Nausea. Specifically the chapter on adventures
The grass is always greener on the other side.
You'd probably think the same thing if you *had* done it. Like, if you're really that concerned nut up, go to a bar, and bang the nearest 6/10
It's never too late. I didn't even have a serious relationship until the end of my freshman year (college). As for virginity, don't worry about that. If she's worth having around, she'll be patient for your first time.
(The first time is always awkward. I was talking to my friends the other day — one accidentally gave his first a black eye, another nutted seconds after entry. I couldn't come at all (I masturbated way too much — probably still do).)
In the meantime, I second the Catcher in the Rye recommendation. Less than Zero is similar, but half as subtle and twice as bleak, so read it if you want to draw out your misery. Don Quixote has a running gag about preoccupation with virginal love; it makes for a good outlet to laugh at oneself. Tomcat Murr has some great passages about longing, too.
I wish you all the best, friend.
>thinking summer love is a meme
Mine was in winter, but it was life-changing. Learned a lot from, lost my v-card, everything. She'd been with other people, but that didn't stop me from being the classic mix of nervous and excited you always hear about. Looking back, the sex wasn't even the best part — it was the way we looked into each other's eyes, her face full of trust and passion. Now I tear up every time I hear orchestral music.
Bad advice. Don't force it.
Ain't no one reading that blog
lift weights, read books and become a living god instead
>my friends
normalfags get out
I lost my virginity at 13. By the time I was 11 I was already concerned with my sexual future enough to stop doing "childish" things out of fear that girls would consider me childish and not have sex with me. I was a wreck of anxiety and fear for over a decade. I don't even know how it finally clicked in my head, but no one fucking cares. No one cares what I'm doing. I don't care about what people think about me and I'm all about fun now. After work I'm going to smoke a joint while riding my bicycle to buy stuff to make a fruit salad. You can get your innocence back.
Le néant de Léon.
The Hotel New Hampshire.
Boris Vian novellas.
Shadow of the wind.
In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust
Twisting My World by R. Elliot.
this. Go with this.
You could always try your hand at hitting on 14 year olds, theyre gonna be corrupted anyway and grow up to become bitch-head, refugees welcome, roasties anyway.
Post feet if you're so good looking.
>focus on social problems
>ignore your own
>profitt???
>maybe actually
>it wouldn't begin with friendship and evolve naturally into something serious, my partner wouldn't be a virgin so even if it is exciting for me it will not be nearly as exciting for her.
i did and she was older than me