ITT: Roommate cooking stories

Tell us a mommy tendie story then, you little faggot.

>get a new roommate for a sublease
>I don't knowhow to cook so I fuck up
>snobbish roommate snickering at everything I do in the kitchen
>he even calls me out for putting my food in the fridge without cling wrap like I murdered a puppy and a kitten together
>god hes such a faggot

Mommy and Daddy are your roommates, even if they only see you when you crawl out of your room for chicken tendies and energy drinks

>sign a sublease
>don't know how to cook
>like a child with assburgers I remain silent, and do not ask for help
>roomates keep asking why I'm boiling cans of tuna, or not using shrink rap
>wtf is shrink rap, do they not understand boiling something completely gets rid of bacteria it's fine
>fuck the kitchen smells fucking awful
Honestly OP's room-mate sounds like a fucking faggot, who keeps crossing boundaries; one of which is fucking the kitchen up to the point where nobody wants to use it. A bottle of ferbreeze is like 3.99, so if you're cooking like a mongoloid you can cover it up. Fuck his faggot face up with his own beef for letting it drip blood on the food, I'd beat him half to death with the fucking cut if I saw that happen. Hell I'd probably start throwing away his food, and start going to the market to make a meal when I get home if it got bad. There are only so many lines to cross before your room-mate snaps user.

>just moved in with this Brazilian dude
>cool guy
>doesn't know dick about cooking
>in room one evening
>fire alarm goes off in entire apartment complex
>ignore it because it's always nothing
>5 mins later decide to go to kitchen to investigate
>just about to enter kitchen and see the walls flash orange for a second
>wtf.mp4
>walk in and roommate is standing next to cooker with a saucepan in his hand with his eyebrows and hair singed looking totally fucking bewildered
>he'd left the pan on the hob full of oil intending to make some fries
>it caught fire
>when he saw this the first idea he had was to run it under the cold tap
>ceiling is all black and fucked up
>veneers peeling off the cupboards because the flames melted them

It was pretty funny all in all
>nastiest smell ever for weeks

>bloody as fuck
you're just as retarded as your roommate, unless he cut himself and bled all over the meat before putting it in the freezer.

murdered

>roommate gets hungry while watching Friends
>heats up a bowl of instant macaroni
>room smells like delicious cheesey noodles
>mfw

This is how Iranians eat tuna fish too. Its fucking good man.

>didn't wash out the skillet
>now the fucking grease solidified

Nothing too bad, just that 90% of my roommates have been white American northerners IE Yankees, so all they "cooked" was Hamburger Helper, dinner kits and frozen ready meals.
One saw me make sausage gravy and tried to make some himself some time later. He didn't know you had to make a roux IE add flour to the pan and thought the "gravy" would thicken by simple reduction of the milk. Scorched the pan, the dumb fuck.

Murder him, OP.

YOU MUST KILL HIM!

Oh, if family counts as roommates, when I was a kid, my sister destroyed our kitchen not once but twice. Trying to make coffee.
We use a moka because ethnic and she had a habit of getting coffee grinds into the threads of the screw-on bits. That means the machine wouldn't seal properly. Which means that when the pressure builds up, it starts to escape from the side rather than that go up through the grounds. Which means the pressure would shoot the top-half of the pot off with enormous force. Which means coffee napalm all over the fucking place and a dent in the range hood.

I'm so glad you put a giant red circle around, and arrow pointing to, the can. Never would have seen it otherwise.

>Get george 4man grill
>Always clean it after I use it
>roommate starts using it
>always leaves a grease mess he never cleans up
>over seasons his fucking burgers leaves salt crusted on mah fuckn grill
>clean it and unscrew the back one day
>cut the wire
>roommate tries to turn it on
>doesnt work
>i tell him it shorted on me and almost shocked me:)
>tie wires back together and cook and clean it when hes not around

People like him are why we cant have nice things.

I do this all the time. It melts again the next time I use it. I can reuse the leftover grease for a week.

...

>go to america
>get airbnb
>american host says I can have anything the fridge
>it's full of mcchickens and big macs

Guess you didn't get the under the table travelling to the US warnings that are being issued? True, you have to know someone.

Christ, I did this when I was like, 6 I think.

>roommate has a crock pot
>he usually uses it for whatever he cooks
>he has a bag of frozen chicken breasts
>thaws out several chicken breasts
>puts the chicken breasts in the crock pot
>gets out a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's Award Winning Barbecue Sauce
>Empties the entire bottle of the sauce onto the chicken breasts
>lets the concoction cook away for 3 hours
>the whole apartment smells like Sweet Baby Ray's
>at the bottom of the crock pot is a soupy mess of boiling sauce and chicken
>he says it's good

You sound like a real cunt m8.

kek. Not as strange as you guys, but I lived in a house with 14 other people. We had this one oddball. Would boil fuckloads of pasta, and eat it plain, with a bit of olive oil. Come to think of it, it's all I ever saw him eat. for 4 months, all I ever saw him eat was fucking plain pasta.

That's about how my room mate cooks. She's fucking retarded when it comes to food.

I mean at that point he might as well just heat up a bowl of barbecue sauce in the microwave and eat it with a spoon.

Is he a nigger?

did he by any chance, compete in any type of sport? my uncle does the same to get pure carbs before competing because he is a cyclist

pleb tier, what do you expect from normies. You still made me laugh, you autistic faggot

That sounds pretty good.

I was just lucky enough to live in an area where living by yourself is a viable economic option.

After experimenting with sauces I've actually discovered that HFCS sauces like Ray's have a better viscosity for clinging to food. I never found one of the more expensive, cane sugar ones that was worth a fuck. I tried. I tried them all because I fell for the 'HFCS is for plebes' meme.

I guess what I'm saying is you're all picky faggots with unfounded opinions.

nope. he sat in his room all day. didn't even go to his classes.

I guess my eating habits weren't to great either. I ate chicken burgers every fucking day, with cheese, mayo and onions on it. Those frozen cheap ones. Also, lots of guac and corn chips, and every morning an egg with toast and a hashbrown.

>it's more like a week and a half, but apartments in the area are picky with rules and he didn't want to lose his parking spot
I'm confused. Why can't he just leave for a week and a half

So a shithole?

Try sauce with molasses it's nice and sticky.

You found somebody who needed a place to live for just one week, what the fuck did you expect from them?

Underrated

You madman you

i had a roommate like this. only ate buttered plain pasta or plain rice with mayo.
he would catch a cold every other week and was always depressed, low self-esteem.
did this for 10 years until a doctor said he'd literally fucked up his stomach and intestines cuz of it.

stop being an apartmentcuck and get a house if it bothers you, faggot

roommate one:
>buys a shitload of chicken breasts in the family pack to "save money"
>preps maybe two and puts the rest in the freezer
>weeks-months later I still see them in the freezer untouched while another new family pack of breasts sits in the fridge for his meal prep

just fucking buy two breasts and stop wasting freezer space

roommate two:
>stuffs a small saucepan with three ramen packets at a time

...that's the end of the story. he lets the water boil over obnoxiously and eats fucking three ramens at a time, guaranteeing that he has hypertension

Not a roomie story but I had my Aunt live with us for two days when she was traveling back home (went from Texas to Washington).
>Within the first two hours, is cooking cactus and blending pinto beans
>Puts them in tupperware and places them inside fridge
>Later on open up fridge
>Everything spills out
>Aunt placed containers on some bagged veggies I tossed in there and it slipped towards the door from the inside
>Immediately starts yelling at me saying I'm wasting food
>Clean it up while she does this because I fucking hate a dirty kitchen
>Make my food and tell Aunt I wasn't going to pay for shit since it was her fault (politely)
>Later on go to grab some water
>Giant container of flan crashes out of the fridge
>Aunt peeks her head around the corner and sees the mess
>Starts yelling at me again and crying saying I hate her and that I'm wasting food
>Tell her to fuck off (politely) and ask her why she doesn't look at where she places things
>Tells me there wasn't any room for her food and she didn't know where to put it
>Gets caught trying to steal my Dad's DVDs the day after and gets kicked out

I fucking hate her and her literally autistic children. I can't believe I'm related to someone who lives off of furry porn commissions.

Nothing wrong with having three bags of ramen so long as you chase it with eight bottles of water.

>roommate buys 2 pack of frozen pizza
>cooks both of them
>puts second one in fridge with a paper towel over it
This guy went on to throw all his belongings in the garbage and disappear leading to me being evicted

>he puts a whole can of tuna into a saucepan and boils it. not the tuna, the entire can
titus_get_the_cross.jpg

Even a better reason to nuke them

You could have just told him that he needs to be better using it or that you won't let him use it anymore. Instead you were a passive aggressive woman about it who then guilt tripped him over something that never happened. Your roommate might be an ass but you're a manipulative tool.

Just have her deported back to Mexico. She sounds unstable.

My dad and I both use mokas even though we are white as fuck, and we are religious about making sure the gasket and threads are always immaculate and the pressure relief valve is not blocked.

femanon here, this story is about another femanon roommate:

>move into shared brooklyn brownstone
>existing roommate is in her late 30s
>knows how to cook but usually orders dominos
>every 6 weeks she freaks out about how much she's spending drinking/eating out and orders a giant $200+ fresh direct order
>she spends entire sundays "meal prepping" this shit
>literally never takes the prepped meals to work, they just rot in the fridge and when she gets home she orders more dominos (KEEP IN MIND WE LIVE IN NYC THERE'S ACTUAL GOOD PIZZA HERE)
>jumpcut to when actual rats start nesting in her room because she has leftover dominos pizza in boxes rotting and collecting maggots in her room

tl;dr my shitty roommate left rotting pizza and pizza boxes in her room and we got rats (NOT MICE, RATS) and i kicked her out cause her credit was shit and i was the only one on the lease

hey
dominos isn't that bad anymore
not amazing as certain pizza places. but it beats pizzahut and other franchised restaurants now

>laying in bed one Saturday night, not really drunk but not quite sober
>suddenly hear a commotion downstairs in the kitchen, sounded like grunting and then a crash
>head down to see whats up, maybe I get to hit my roommate with a tennis racket for fucking on the living room couch again
>nope, he's out cold on the kitchen floor, with the stone from my crock pot shattered around him
>smack him with my tennis racket a couple times and he shambles off to his room in a daze

Turns out, he got super drunk and thought that he left a bottle of vodka on top of the fridge. He tried to move the crock pot and dropped it on his head. I probably should have monitored him for concussion or something, but it was more fun to hit him with a tennis racket.

>sophomore in college
>have three roommates in a two bedroom townhouse
>one roommate pan fries breakfast sausages every morning and coats them in pancake syrup
>one day this roommate isn't in the kitchen, but the food is cooking on the stovetop
>smells like it's burning, I go over and stir it a bit out of consideration
>roommate comes back and sees me, screeches not to touch their food

It really doesn't pay to be nice.

>same living situation
>different roommate makes nothing but boxed instant shit every day, like Kraft mac and cheese, Stouffers bread stuffing etc
>seals leftovers in plastic containers in fridge, but never actually eats ANY of them
>leaves them in fridge until they basically start to rot, then takes them out and puts them in the kitchen sink, supposedly with the intention of washing containers to reuse later
>The food is still in the containers
>Roommate never actually washes them
>The food-stuffed plastic containers just sit in our communal sink for days until third roommate discreetly tosses them out

>I was poor as fuck and would have loved to be able to eat those leftovers before they expired, but was too beta to ask/just do it.

oh sure yeah, as far as big chain pizza goes dominos is fine but ordering it minimum twice a week and leaving it to rot in your room isn't okay. also, there's better and cheaper pizza available where i live

Did she have pink hair and trouble glasses?

lel

trouble glasses, yes, but no pink hair.

she moved in with her shitty bf and now they're married, i was invited but didn't go to the wedding

>HFCS
>Cane sugar
>Molasses
Fucking disgusting tomato candy sauce, why do people want their food to taste like candy, its so fucking gross.

How did he open the can after boiling it? Wouldnt it have been too hot?

Isn't Pyrex supposed to be safe to use directly on a stove? isn't the same glass used in laboratories?

London?

pyrex stopped being borosilicate glass a decade ago, now it's just regular silica-lime glass
even with borosilicate though you probably shouldn't put cold glass directly on top of a heated stove element

>him
We know you are both girls.

reddit

Did you ever lez out with her?

>needlessly advertising femaleness
you know the rules, user
post vagin

according to wikipedia, Pyrex cookware sold in Europe is still made from borosilicate glass.

>roommate cooks like four shitty meals a week
>insists on having the kitchen completely to himself, I can't even come and get a beer or a snack
>uses a fuckton of dishes
>bangs shit around, slams cabinet doors closed
>uses my cookware
>doesn't clean dishes until the next morning
>gets offended when I was the dishes and pots I own that he used

>uses my tupperware and leaves food sitting in them in the fridge for weeks
>gets mad when I throw away moldy food

>uses my french press
>drinks one cup of coffee out of it and leaves it sitting there
>never rinses it out because he "forgets"

>buys large fast food meals
>eats half and then leaves it in the fridge for "leftovers"
>spergs out when I throw these greasy paper bags away 3 days later

I can't fucking stand him.

I once told an unemployed (collecting welfare) roommate he should shower bi weekly at the least and he got all butthurt about it and then didn't take off his boots for a month and got trench foot. This was after a girl he tried to make out with told him to brush his teeth and he couldn't understand why. Some people don't care about themselves, why would they give a shit about your shitty george foreman grill?

We used to have this shitty oven in the kitchen that we used only for heating drumsticks. It was filthy as fuck so I tried to clean it with no succes. My roommate told me that if the filth and grease wont come of with cleaning it would certainly not affect the food. He was right i guess

>I can't even come and get a beer or a snack
are you actually following this rule? If you are, you are a massive faggot. If someone ever said I was not allowed in my kitchen, then that means I am going in the kitchen just to piss them off.

Jesus user, stand up for yourself. You sound like a huge pushover.

Im also confused by this.
Your roomate left for a week so someone else had to move in with you so you roomate who left doesnt lose his parking spot?
Is this black mirror?

You're doing Gods work, user.
PYREX is safe but pyrex isnt. Even if using a good PYREX pot start it at a lower temp until the glass warms up.

>Isn't Pyrex supposed to be safe to use directly on a stove?
flameware and visionware and some other lines are, but most of it is not. plenty of lab glass is not made to be over an open flame either.

My room mate always takes frozen chicken out too late and leaves it uncovered to thaw and then cuts it in half so it will thaw quicker, eventually tossing the semi-frozen chicken in the oven for an hour. The chicken is always eaten with a white tortilla wrap and ketchup.

My other room mate has literally been living on peas and chicken breast for a year. The chicken is defrosted and mass roasted on one day and then frozen again along with the peas then the whole frozen slab of peas and chicken is put in a roasting tray (peas up) and baked for 45 minutes or until it is defrosted. It is then dumped into a mixing bowl and eaten with a fork and no knife (this is unsliced chicken) and a dollop of peanut butter. The bowl is then rinsed and not washed and put on drying rack.

Other roommate would cook a pack of beef mince in two minutes and eat it with beef noodles. She also would regularly leave chicken and rice in the fridge to go mouldy, which smelt so fucking bad.

I had another flatmate once who would steam broccoli and sweet potato over a pot of boiling water for like, an hour, so that the broccoli smelt like farts and was like yellow. Also who steams sweet potato?

Had a flatmate's friend use my brownie pan to make a spinach lasagne, and then proceed to leave the like...1/4 eaten lasagne just sitting next to the sink for TWO weeks, despite not living there, so that it went extremely furry and mouldy.

Had another flatmate who tried to add flour after she thought she made a roux for mac and cheese

>enter kitchen
>see hippie girl roommate dumping her green and full of fish shit aquarium water over all the dishes and using the dish sponge to clean the green mucous off the aquarium walls.
>realize our conceptions of hygiene are so different that there is no point trying to explain to her how utterly disgusting that was
>do 360º turn and walk away

More like:
>to scared to confront her about it

Imagine becoming so fucking stupid you need roommates or parents to afford rent... Go back to school.

Yankee who can't cook detected.

>buy 4 pack of medium sized foot storage containers (tupperware type stuff)
>'hey guys don't worry you can use these too if you want'
>a couple weeks later, pull one out of the cabinet
>it's covered in some unidentifiable brown/black shit
>take it to the sink and try to scrub the stuff off
>it doesn't come off even after a minute of aggressive scrubbing

well I guess they can keep them now. I've got most of my stuff in my room because of this shit

Try getting a education and quite living off minimum wage.

>furry porn women.
Found you'r problem user.

>cunt here.
Why did your gender matter at fucking?
Like clockwork you cunts need to let everyone know youre a women.
Guess my fucking gender?

>my shitty roommate left rotting pizza and pizza boxes in her room and we got rats (NOT MICE, RATS) and i kicked her out cause her credit was shit and i was the only one on the lease
That's all we needed to know.

You're gender doesn't matter here. You're just an user on the other side of the computer screen.

(I get your point)

So then why tell everyone you're a femanon?
Just say your story and leave personal details out...guess my gender.
I'll give you a hint it's like a dinosaur.

It wasn't clear enough but her son is the one that draws furry porn

I'm not her, I'm and also I was simply agreeing with your post holmes.

nice edge

Based tip
Perfect for cast iron

He probably makes bank. If he's any good, those people will spend thousands of tism tokens on a single image. That whole sect of people is like a never-ending well of government handouts.