*teleports behind you*

*teleports behind you*

Helloooo this is chef john from foodwis-

*Dissapears*

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/LSNmpddzHLU
youtube.com/watch?v=7HdrGdzFJQo
youtube.com/watch?v=4RoLavF2ZLU
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

I reach into my pocket and find cayenne that wasn't there previously.

*width*

in my fridge i find real parmesan cheese that i did not place there

I do not know him

They don't even SELL real parmesan cheese at at my local grocery store.

no
no i wont do the ol tappa tappa
PLEASE
NO
NO TAPPA TAPPA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i suddenly feel really comfy

because you ARE the 'Cold Steel'... of your oatmeal.

>be the boss of your sauce

You are the Chef John of your Foodwishes.com

I imagine chef john in a poorly fitting jesters outfit as seasons bland food with cayenne behind our backs without us noticing

>make some scrambled eggs
>look away
>look back, cayenne on my eggs
What the fuck?

>mfw the kitchen jester gave me the ol' tappa tappa

...

>hear a faint, "Enjoyyyyy" in the distance

The back of my shirt is destroyed by fork scratches

He HAS a (very) peculiar WAY of (talking).

Watch his earlier videos and you'll hear that he's very monotone. Now he talks with weird inflections because people kept calling him boring but now people think he talks funny. You can't please everyone.

lel

Leave

Everyone relax, Ron Jeremy is in the house.

They sell that shit at walmart, you're probably looking in the wrong area.

This song plays faintly in the background
youtu.be/LSNmpddzHLU

>Hey Rich
>Hey Mike

That's repetitive bullshit. Whoever came up with that should be fired on the spot.

youtube.com/watch?v=7HdrGdzFJQo
Hey

"What the fuck was that?"
>Turn back around to see a note on the cutting board
"Time for the ol Choppa Choppa"
>I feel a gust of wind behind me along with a pungent smell of cayenne peppers
"John please......you don't have to do this......"
"Come on there buddy, realize my food wish, put cayenne on that steak, RIIIIIGHTTT NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW"
*Cries while Chef John puts his cayenne tipped cock into my asshole while he forces me to take a bite of his food wish*

THAAAAAAATS RIGHT YOU HACK FRAUD

*teleports behind you with a 1971 Vietnam mre*

NICE

*Dissapears*

>You are afterall the colonel sanders of your chicken tenders
what did he mean by this?

>the faint echo of "round the outside, round the outside" is barely audible in the distance

>john is great
>john is good
>let us thank him for our food
>we bow our heads
>all is said
>give us, lord, our daily bread

>pray to chef john before cooking ritual
>fond comes out perfectly every time

>pray to chef john before cooking ritual
>always enough fat when roasting meat

>pray to chef john before cooking ritual
>perfectly seasoned dishes every time

>tfw Steve will never set you neatly on a tray
>tfw Steve will never call you "NICE"
>tfw Steve will never mention your smoothness

The resemblance is uncanny.

>tfw steve will never whisper NICE HISS on your ears
>tfw you will never smoke 60 years old cigarettes with steve

*teleports behind you and slice you up like with his advance knife skills

Psh, nothin personnel kid

*dissapears*

why he fuck does everything he says sound like a question?

I want all Steve posters to leave

I HATE THE WAY YOU TALK

WHY DOES EVER SENTENCE END IN UPWARD INFLECTION

>advance knife skills

Don't make me post the WebM

It doesn't. He has strange inflection but he doesn't uptalk.

Just made a dank french omlette for the first time. Thanks John.
don't

>time to give it the olll' poka-poka

>Playing some video on the background while I do something else
>This song plays
>What the hell, when did I open a tab with a food wishes video?

>Open my fridge
>Everything inside spired 20 years ago
>It smells almost unpleasant

We should all thank Julia Child's family.
S09 E18 - Julia Child, The French Chef - The Omelette Show
youtube.com/watch?v=4RoLavF2ZLU

.

Take one bite of a bread from 1945
>Okay that's rancid
Take another bite
>M'kay it's eatable
Take a third bite
>Nah, nevermind this is rancid
Take a fourth bite
>I take that back is alright

Classic Steve

Use a leftover chicken ramen flavor packet on that crusty shit bread. I have a bag full of them.

>glass clinking melody in the distance

*chk chk aww*

Made his sausage ragu last weekend. So fucking delicious.

is he the worst internet chef of all time?

If by worst chef, you mean possessing the biggest dong on the Western Seaboard, then yes. Yes he is.

his new za vid made me sympathize with deep dish savages

is this guy gay?

Finely watching some of his videos. I get it now

you wish