Lucifer was the first virgin

It's suggested by different Christian scholars
biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/biblical-topics/bible-interpretation/how-the-serpent-became-satan/
>In the New Testament, Satan and his demons have the power to enter and possess people; this is what is said to have happened to Judas (Luke 22:3; John 13:27; cf. Mark 5:12–13; Luke 8:30–32). But when Paul re-tells the story of Adam and Eve, he places the blame on the humans (Romans 5:18; cf. 1 Corinthians 15:21–22) and not on fallen angels, or on the serpent as Satan. Still, the conflation begged to be made, and it will seem natural for later Christian authors—Justin Martyr, Tertullian, Cyprian, Irenaeus and Augustine, for example—to assume Satan’s association with Eden’s talking snake. Most famously, in the 17th century, John Milton elaborates Satan’s role in the Garden poetically, in great detail in Paradise Lost. But this connection is not forged anywhere in the Bible.

I mean Christ it seems common sense to at the very least see the Serpent as a metaphor for sin. Why the fuck would a random Serpent tempt Eve

You're just viewing it throw Milton-colored lenses due to his tremendous influence on Anglo culture.

Well, there's TS Eliot at the very least. If you say he doesn't matter I'll know that you're not worth arguing with.

>it's narcissism to have personal opinion

Sounds like Lucifer is /ourguy/.