Write what’s on your mind

Write what’s on your mind

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the void

complete absence of thought or form

not even blank white or empty black. absence of color, total silence

> except for those god damned idiots upstairs with their stereo and their "doof doof doof" marathon, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY OR I WILL END YOU

i want to get high :p

feet are great

My life is stagnating and I am wondering if I should get back into acting. I don't even have dreams of being a big actor, neither am I particularly passionate about it. I just borderline competent and anything is better than treading water any longer.

Haven't turnt up in a while
Called not the boy's
Finnair get drunk tomorrow
It's been awhile

Goodbye braincells
Maybe it's a good thing

hah i am high faggot

Yui a cute but mio a best

I wish I could find someone who feels the way I do.

internet bfs are pretty easy to find user.

This thread is off to a shitty start.

For most people, yeah, but I think I'm too different. It's not only because I love a certain kind of art, but also because I lost it that alienates me from everyone. Whenever I return to music that made me feel incredible and mysterious things, I just come up feeling weird and empty. And since nothing else makes me feel kind of good, I play that music over and over again, noticing the magic fade more and more every listen. My life's completely hollow now, doing the same mundane things in pursuit of emotions that I'm physically incapable of having at the moment. That's not uncommon with depression, but the reality of it is killing me. The sheer emptiness and the weeks passing onto weeks where it's like the rest of mankind is on another shore and it's impossible to reach them.

I hate to sound like a dramatic cunt, but this is really how I feel now, and I wish someone understood. The feeling of having your life stolen just as it was gearing up to start.

Do you want to be friends user?

Well, sure.

3 "on my minds" are presented in this post.

I've been thinking, and so therefore, I've been existing. But what if there was no me to think? I think I can only think if I exist as well. Think of all the nonexistants and their lack of thoughts. Thus, *zombies are entirely fictional not only in existing but thinking. Twist: you're a zombie.

Infinite universes would mean travel between them is impossible.

What is that which is (not)?

Do chimpanzes ever feel their nipples or think about it?

>2:44
>I came in my sleep again, pulling up the covers to check will only confirm it. I didn't even think about having sex before going to bed and it only took 3 hours. I didn't even have a wet dream. Whatever fantasies cause this are hidden from my conscious mind.
>I was tempted to masturbate after cleaning myself up in the shower. I wouldn't have to touch my penis, I could just put my hand through a towel. But I won't or can't, I haven't done it in over a month and I don't want to go back to confession. Do they make an exception for emergency faps? If you can't stop cumming in your sleep like a horny little faggot. I could probably fuck a fat girl, but that would be disgusting, and I probably couldn't get hard then.
>I'm going to ask Veeky Forums if there's any books for this feel

id really like to talk with a girl it would mean a lot to me more than anything but also not enough to go outiside and be around them

"I need him" how can I get rid of this silly thought?

WE ON AN ULTRALIGHT BEAM
WE ON AN ULTRALIGHT BEAM
THIS IS A GOD DREAM
THIS IS A GOD DREAM
THIS IS EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

nigger dick

To not live according to truth is to diminish the true. Reality grows distant and abstracted, to live is to internalize, and esteem for the actual fades with the actual fading as well. For the second half of my life I haven't believed almost all of what I know. As a consequence every waking moment is now both surreal yet completely uninteresting., I've lost my grip on it all, lost any stake I had in myself. In fact I don't think there's a self left here to lose, for i don't mourn my loss. I'm not sad, just empty, and trying to articulate what it's like to be thus, uprooted but buried, obliterated and adrift.

I'm new I don't know wtf I'm doing

What kind of art is it that you love?

dick nigger

The art of pleasing old men for money.

I see people reaching and achieving, but I'm not. I'm maintaining stability because this is what I was taught. I wonder if this will be my down fall.

You're not actually maintaining stability, in truth you are hysterically clinging to the last precipice.

a hat!

I told this girl I had feelings but she said she doesn't feel the same way. But the thing is, I know she does. We have history and she knows a lot about me, so it's not hard to understand why she wouldn't want to get seriously involved with a person as damaged as I am.

This rejection did open up my eyes to some personal things that I need to adress. I need to love myself before I can love anyone else if I want the type of relationship that I need.

I lie a lot. I drink a lot. I have trouble articulating my thoughts because of my sometimes crippling social anxiety. From the ages of 18-21, the only females I had contact with were high class escorts.

All that aside, I do a lot of good and I take pride in how selfless I am, but I don't consider myself a good person. I know I'm lost but I know the answers will come

a yarmulke!

Do it if you must, but don't watch porn

whats yalls go to bagel of choice? I like egg but wish the place near me had egg-poppy.

stop being (as) crazy, start being (more) sensible

tsk, tsk, tsk. another mindless simpleton has stepped into my realm *i grab your head* there's still time to apologize *i throw you against the bloody wall* i'll teach you, not that your petty brain will understand *i get out my poisoned kris +9* eat this, little bitch! *i slice your shins* "ahh! what the fu-" *you stop yelling in awe of my blade collection* oh, you like them don't you? heheh, they'll be going through your skull soon *you scream but nobody hears as i punch your throat* what's wrong, bitch? choking on your idiocy? that's pathetic *snickers* heh, get ready for this, little bitch! *my eyes glow red as the floor starts shaking* "n-no! what the fuck?!?" *you try and punch me as i fade away* "HUH?!?!" heheh, i'm right here! *i appear behind you and shoot blue flames through my palms like azula from avatar the last airbender* it's too late now! *you try to get away but you fail and get burned* "aaarrrgghhh!!!!" you like that, bitch? don't worry, there's more where that came from! poison breath! go! ARIGATO! *WHOOSH* "aaarrgghhh!!!!" *the fumes surround you as you start choking* "wh-where the fuck did you go?!? show yourself!" *you cough and wheeze* too late, bitch. i'm everywhere... EAT THIS!!! *in one motion, i unbuckle my katana made of solid titanite from my black belt, unsheathe it and slice your right hand off and re-sheathe it while laughing* "ARRGGH!!!! you won't get away with this!!!!" heheh, i already have!! *the smoke instantly clears to reveal me in super sayain level 10 and fully charged up with rainbow hair* "n-no!!! stop!!!!" too late! *i use my telekinesis to throw my blade collection through your stomach one by one* "AAARRGGHHHH!!!!!" this ends here! *i fly towards you at mach 50 and drive my katana through your skull* *you slump over and die as i clean all my blades of your worthless blood* hmph, once again i have cut a worthless object *i teleport inside you as you explode* nothin personnel *i put up my hoodie and fly away*

I have nothing to do. Well I do. But I really cant be bothered with doing anything. I am capable of producing great things if under a deadline to do so, but otherwise I am completely passive. I'm just sitting here fearing that my time on earth will be wasted.

I just want to be remembered

What for. You'll be gone.

You have 5 years

If I'm remembered I'll never be truly gone. I want to have an impact, to make people think and feel.

What's that supposed to mean?

The only mistake Mozart ever made, not making this tune a bit longer: 1:09:20
youtube.com/watch?v=wGo_faB5bOQ

...

I hope when my grandpa wakes up, he doesn't have brain damage. He had either a blood clot or a heart attack two days ago, but luckily my grandma knew CPR and managed to keep him alive before paramedics showed up. They keep sedating him because everytime he isn't he starts twitching uncontrollably. They'll be doing an MRI scan later to see if he has anything wrong with his brain.

I have not read enough to write anything worth reading.

I have spent 10 years playing pretend at having friends and a relationship in my head and now I think I'm incapable of having a real shot at something in real life.

I am getting old (26) and I have always wanted to be a writer but I am in a 9-6 job and met a girl and my writing goals are slipping from my withering hands and sometimes I think of going away for a while and finishing something long but I am old (26) as I said, and if I go write something now I will miss things (love, for example) and die alone, but if I don’t continue to write I will die of cancer; either way death seems not all that bad.

This, I think, is the fate of us all, and the beginnings of your first true existential crisis. Buckle up friendo.

Love is overrated, pursue your dream. You'll likely just end up spending 18+ years of time and money on a kid you'd realize you don't want when it's too late.

I just want to die.

i feel like im repeating myself but whatever. everything feels so devoid of value. regardless of what i do life always feels the same. i can go out with people and dread every second of it and find them boring or i can stay inside by myself and dread every second of it and feel lonely. i can get girls but find meaningless sex disgusting and shallow and i don't connect with any of them. i am about to finish college even though i will probably fail the finals since i have no motivation or interest in studying. why study, all i do afterwards is work some shitty 9-5 for 50+ years, i likely won't retire before i'm 75 given how fucked up this economy is. i'd feel like i'm wasting the "prime of my life" but if this is the prime of my life i can't imagine how worse it could get really. it's hard to even get out of bed in the morning because i see no point in it. i dont look forward to doing anything and mostly stay up late because i know that the next day is going to be exactly the same and i hate it. now that i come to think of it, all days of mine are the same. whether i read or socialize or work out because apparently i still think my mood could improve i always feel the same. empty. not wanting to do anything. it's not that i want to die, it's just that i prefer nothingness to this miserable drag of an existence. therapy + antidepressants doesn't help, nothing does really. i think mental health medication / therapy is just a scam to get the money out of people that don't want to consume en masse like the rest of this fucked up society. if suicide werent that hard i would have done it a long time ago.

wow, Beethovens piano concertos are so legit (all of them are exceptionally great):
youtube.com/watch?v=o1ph_jLOawE

>do shit you don't like or value all of the time
>wtf I'm so unhappy
the answer is pretty simple
what you described is so stupid it beggars belief, you are suffering in order to live in order to suffer...

>>do shit you don't like or value all of the time
>>wtf I'm so unhappy

>tfw there's no activity that i like or value

That's a cute Yui.

Is it a terminally bad idea to re-use characters over and over again with different names because I want to tell a bunch of different stories with them that don’t fit together?

I like a lot of experimental styles of pop, a lot of which fall under the label of dream pop. Stuff like Cocteau Twins, Beach House, Cranes, ivy, Mew, Red House Painters, and a few others. It sounds pretentious listing it off like that, but that's the only stuff that gives me any emotional response these days. And not only do few people love this stuff in the first place, but even fewer know what it's like to lose it. Not that aching, tragic sense of loss a lot of people get, but more a stumbling around in the dark, like the essence of your life has been sucked out of you. I was ready to commit myself to something - for my life to begin - but now it's like I'm a sterile old man. All these new activities I pick up don't affect me at all, so I return to the old stuff, and nothing changes.

It's almost like purgatory. But I feel that almost no one else understands this.

My first memory is falling down the stairs, second memory is getting stung by a bee in my back yard. When I remember the good things I feel nothing. When I remember the bad things I feel dread. Every night I dream of being a child again. I talk to people, smile, whistle while I walk, etc etc but I can’t build a relationship with fellow man beyond “hey man” “hey.” As far as women go, I can convince a girl to sleep with me but can’t convince them to get dinner or see a movie. I’m peak health and 6’2” and played sports my entire life. I spend most of my day outside, I have a job, I read classic lit for fun and watch football, have hobbies etc. i eat great, get plenty of sun, workout a ton, have a supportive and big family back home, study something I care about at school with a great GPA, etc. I think I’ve been depressed my entire life and I wish I’d died every morning when I wake up. Legitimately feel like one of those aloof but attractive Ryan Gosling characters that Veeky Forums adores. I only feel alive when I’m doing something reckless like throwing rocks at cars or bullying the fuck out of people trying to start fights. And any time I’m not endangering myself or being an asshole is spent literally lying in my bed in the dark just staring and thinking something like “well this sucks.” I may have BPD or ASPD but I don’t think so, I think I legitimately am just a huge faggot that no one likes. Is life suffering or am I doing something wrong?

Im always feeling like im falling behind everyone in my high school classes. Even though i maintain high grades and a high gpa, im never satisfied with myself. I always hate myself for not being good enough, and hate others for being better than me, its like im always full of jealousy and hate, and there is no way to change

I know that feel. Albeit probably for different reasons from you.

Im on the same boat user, i like talking to girls but its only because i feel more comfortable sharing stuff with them than men, and the girls that i do talk to, i never see in person.

You think everything within existence can't gratify you? You're either the most sophisticated creature to ever be or you over estimate yourself. The latter seems likelier. I say this from a point of commiseration.

I don't "actively" enjoy anything myself but sometimes...I catch myself in awe at how much I appreciate the un-afflicted night, to breathe the rarefied 5am air clean and crisp free from the presence of society, its weight deferred until the passing of the stars above...the relief with each cold breath is almost startling. It's enough to make me believe I'd be happy in a log cabin in Siberia or something. I imagine a simple but sovereign hermit friends with a domesticated wolf living off of the land. While that may not be possible I don't doubt it's true. That's a sort of hope, a proof of concept. There are simple pleasures in life that don't even occur to us in this unnatural state we call civilization.

like how over the years different people played james bond and they were different stories? (I know this isnt exactly what you mean, but I am trying to represent regardless if the story is good enough it doesnt matter what you do, and if its not, noone will care what you are doing anyway)

Why wouldnt you just use the same characters with the same names (like james bond, in many stories, or family guy)

I love these anime airheads

>go to college with great program in my field
>only after I start attending do I realize it’s 90% Greek
>I can’t afford Greek life
>now a junior with no friends still

I am going to grad school in NYC and I’m going to climb on top of a tall tower down town like King Kong and shit in my hand and fling it at the ants below before I myself strip stark naked and light myself aflame and jump into the street below. Look for me on tv lads

I found her drained of blood in the morning, her off-a-worm warm silk cocoon hardened to a rubber like the cooled surface of a coconut custard. She lay on the spare matress I gave her; a basin politely placed beneath a wrist that hung off rigidly.

I gave her a drowsy look, expecting my explanation. My eyes naturally moved to the extended hand, and I could see a small bump on the back of her hand. It occured to me that she must have dislocated one of her carpal bones in her sleep, likely the one the doctors had taken months to fix just earlier that year.

I stared at the bumb and the gash next to it with a dull note of comprehension echoing within the walls of my cranium. So it was that I returned to being the sole resident again.

Almost everything people do they do so they can be happy.
So why not just take heroin and kill yourself before your buzz ends?
You can say you spend your whole life happy.

moon man, killing machine
dousing blacks in gasoline
there was a moon that
really was gone

I wonder if paper books are really easier/better than read than the epub version. Or if this is just an excuse to postpone the reading

...

The issue is that the continuities conflict in several profoundly different ways. They just cant exist in the same universe

to read*

not gonna bother to make an actually thread for this cuz obviously no one read it, but this shit is fire. starts with some spicy shit for the redpill crowd i.e. review of human evolution with alpha males, female reproductive strategy and a solid btfo of vegetarian shitlords, but the ending is even more mind blow than the beginning, i'm still trying to integrate the thesis into my mind's worldview. alphabetical language = patriarchy ascendant, image communication = feminine ascendant. dude, this shit goes hard af. i can't believe someone published a grand narrative this dank in 1998, they don't make em like this anymore man. if u have the attention span of a flea dl the audiobook and listen to the first chapter and the last chapter at the very least.

and the characters must be the same because you can only possibly write a handful of characters... no need to ask, I guess thats your only bet, go for it

I was planning a story around the idea that it would have sequels but now it's looking like it might not and I'm wondering how that will change the story

It allows me to streamline the plot but it also changes a lot of the way the plot would have to build up and that in turn might change the moral that I was going for

Just started playing online chess recently.
I'd say I'm not taking it seriously as I feel like I'm sort of just haphazardly moving pieces across the board but at the same time I am taking more time with my moves than anyone I'm playing against. Right now I have bad elo even for a beginner.
Thing is my eyes nervously dart across the computer screen barely paying any attention to the board or strategy, so I can't tell whether I'm failing due to ADHD/impatience or genuine fucking retardation. At this point in my life I don't think there's a difference. The former is probably an excuse for the latter.

chess is a glass bead game for pseuds at play starcraft or something less queer

Seeing someone whom you could've had something--even if it would be brief, thinly-veiled and fake--with someone else, this someone else whom you could tell in the first five seconds was a fake, a vague appropriation of what you are, and seeing the two rejoice in their mutual ignorance; this idea that saying anything even remotely offensive is somehow "revolutionary," and forward-thinking. I can tell, from my brief travels with the sun, that if she continues on down the path with this guy, she'll go down a path of self-destruction, petty narcissism she learnt from him, going back every weekend to the sweat-scented bars of this crappy, cold town; dumbing herself down to the shit that eddies in the downtown scene.

Why does she occupy so much of my time? I have a life, with a partner, but she's on my mind. Why?

Not sure if I should go to Uni to be a graphic designer. I feel like that opportunity has passed (don't have any experience, no portfolio)

I think a high schooler is probably more fit for the job.
I don't know what to do

Pussy pussy shit all nasty got me thinking of my spaghetti after awhile I leave behind what I know to my desires, until I cant tell which way to retire in my sleep ,unconsciousness head again in my dong to accomplishments, the big dream, faggot.

why do you need to go to uni to be a graphic designer

just make designs bro lol

Commedia dell'arte

Characters can exist beyond the realm of a story or continuity. Most animated television (The Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park, etc) has very little narrative focus, but lasts for an extremely long time because people become endeared solely to the way the character dynamics work.

this is literally exactly how I feel to the fucking letter, only you've written it more eloquently than I could.
you're not alone user, it honestly makes me feel good to see that someone else knows what this feels like, hopefully we both can find some sort of meaning and purpose in life soon.

I get similar feeling sometimes but I just know that, given what I am, it will never work out. Sometimes I try to fill the void with waifu fagotry but it doesn't hold the same magic when your a wizard.

i fucking hate all of you and i want you lined up and shot

I went to a really good school full of rich kids with 150IQ's and now I'm going crazy trying to compete with my friends after graduation. I'm doing fine by my own standards I guess, but some of my friends are about to become crypto millionaires, and they all have more friends/gf's/etc. than me. How do I stop envy?

you have trouble internalizing failure in all aspects, especially social failure.

meant for who?

>you have trouble internalizing failure in all aspects
true
>especially social failure.
not true. its mental failure/me being a retard i have the most trouble with

That's good, user. It's nice to find someone else out there, though I doubt meaning is what we really need. The truth is that this is a biological problem, and no amount of abstract thought will make us glad to wake up in the morning. Almost all of our beliefs originate in the body, so by getting lost in ideas, we're merely acting on the symptoms instead of the cause. I mean, christ sakes, I feel like a new man after a good cup of coffee. Take that as a downer if you will, but that means our solution is only a matter of happening upon the correct pill. But you do get it. It's so absurd, right? A problem that completely deprives you of everything life is, yet the answer can't be found with reason, but in some odd chemical invented in the 20th century.

At least, it could be worse.

The entirety of my free time is spent daydreaming and trying to come up with schemes/legitimate business methods to makes money so I don’t have to do a 9-5. If I can’t do it I plan on stealing a car, driving to California, signing up as a shiphand on a random vessel going to South America, walking/biking to Chile while doing odd jobs to afford food, and then hiking and climbing the peaks and valleys of Patagonian until I die. Can’t wait to fail so I can finally live.

Holy shit, are you me? If I fail my studies, or if I finish and decide that I despise being a lawyer, I'm going to move to France and join the French Foreign Legion for five years. I'll put aside the money and vagabond/hike across the world, working odd jobs and reading/writing in my free time.

>it could be worse
I do try to remember how lucky I am compared to some, it just feels like there's always something missing, like I don't feel feelings that should be there, like you said before, "hollow"

I hope I'm on Veeky Forums the day Jordan Peterson's cult collapses in on itself. I hope I'm around to see the implosion.

I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I'M ALMOST 30 AND FLOATING IN A BOAT WITH NO RUDDER OR OARS.

I am terrified of wandering with no unifying theme in my life. Just a series of stories and bit parts by poorly acted characters that no one can identify with. A life of excess is no fun. A life of chastity isn't either. I want everything and yet nothing all within a day. Life milestones are increasingly unattractive. I don't have any interest in marriage or children. I want to do something meaningful but there are so many barriers in the way. I want a journey with a purpose. Everyone pulls me in different directions its mind-numbing. I have no clue who I am yet. I have a list of things I want to achieve but my time is so short and to pull it off I need to have a sizeable amount of cash. All this incessant moaning and bitching is obnoxious. I don't to be like this. I want to be sure, confident and interesting.

the roar of central heating
collapses onto my body,
supine, laid out like a rag-doll
on untucked sheets

it's warm, but just a little bit too warm
to be comfortable

my eyelids beg for sleep, but
i ask them for just a little more
straining against a screen,
flashes of blue white, a last
glittering pixel, til finally sleep,
rest, will do me part

I have experienced something similar. What's some of the music you've been listening to? Also, you should see a psychiatrist if you haven't already.

I think you should do it. Going for a long time without doing things you can take pride in can take a real toll on your health. I imagine once you start acting again it will be easier to get the rest of your life on track and progress towards acquiring other skills.

Do people here actually like him or are they just memeing?

She

I read somewhere he's the "dumb man's smart man," that seemed to sum it up really well.

>It's nice to find someone else out there, though I doubt meaning is what we really need. The truth is that this is a biological problem, and no amount of abstract thought will make us glad to wake up in the morning.

Wow, I feel like I've already known what you just said but was always afraid to admit it to myself. Well said. I've given up on finding meaning in material and social achievements because none of my successes give me actual meaning. I can only escape with drugs. Sometimes I think abusing substances like weed, alcohol, and benzos isn't such a bad idea even if it cuts my lifespan by several years.