Gymnastic rings

I clean the bar of the floor and jerk it towards him sending on it's way towards him

The barbell lands on Artismo for 6 damage. He reaches behind himself, fixated on the texture of the knurling on the barbell. He rubs it and moans to himself: "A-uh A-uh A-uh A-uh A-uh A-uh A-uh A-uh..." The Chancellor shouts at Artismo, but he's in some sort of trance. The King's face contorts into some kind of overclenched grin that won't release. What he's thinking is anyone's guess.

Your action?

do I have enough mana to summon the piano man?

Were he still alive, such a thing might be possible. But his spirit has traveled to planes you have little knowledge of. You can summon only his memory.

I'm not into training like a gymnast but rings are pretty great for replacing lifts you'd normally do with a barbell or dumbbell.

i summon sir scoobert the natty.

drats...

I challenge the king to a squat duel!

Please keep the thread on topic. Our campaign has taken weeks to finally reach the showdown with the King of Autism.

Through the arcane Rite of U'Toob, you summon the one known popularly as Scooby Werkstatt. The smell of homemade hummus and onion farts fills the arena. Without skipping a beat, Scooby immediately begins praising Autismo's use of bodyweight fitness to get healthy and lean.

Autismo reaches into his shorts, finding the only food he eats: Cheetos. Brandishing a single Cheetoh, he lunges for Sir Scoobert, jamming it in his open mouth. Scoobert recoils, brushing the forbidden junk food from his mouth. He collapses on the floor to try to get clean.

Autismo stares daggers at you.

Your action?

[First to respond to each prompt gets to control action. Try again, young adventurer.]

i cast the lift of death on autismo.

I grapple the king!

ok, that's fair

Depends on age and height. If you are over 25 or over 6 foot its gonna take a long time for you to master skills. Age comes unto play with weight and adaptability. If you started when you were 12 and light you could easily master the skills and maintain them into adulthood. When you are full grown its a lot harder to learn.

You chalk up and walk over to Autismo, tensing glutes and hamstrings to ensure that you will trigger the right muscles and spare yourself any back injury. Autismo senses your intention immediately and turns on his side, unafraid of the Lift of the Dead.

You grasp his knee and neck, engage your posterior chain, and begin to push the floor away. Autismo is filled with glee. He has become the barbell! He bites your left quad with glee, sinking his ground down teeth as far into your flesh as they will go. You suffer 2 damage and will not be able to lockout the lift. You begin losing your grip..

Your action?

Autismo appears uncomfortable for a moment, but clearly has ascended beyond the impact of such spells

yeah man. im building a home gym right now so im only doing calisthenics. my next purchase will be a set of rings and a dip rack on amazon. theres one for like $55! i just need to find a way to pin my squat/pullup rack down when i use the rings so it doesnt topple over

i infuse my blood with essence of soy, in an attempt to poison the autismo.

why do you need a dip rack when you have rings? it's just useless clutter. It's like having 4 dumbbells of the same weight

Your blood is already infused, Soymancer. Duh! Remember, you were repulsed by the Path of the Onion, so here we are. Clearly, Autismo is unaffected by your soy-laden blood.

you know... i didnt think of that.... but i'd really have to build up to those dips. i think i could just sustain myself in the air but im not sure i could do a ring dip

You've never used rings before?

no, i have hung off of them and flipped myself upside down but never really more than that

i ask autismo to look at my face while i make several expressions, and ask him what emotion each conveyed

Have you done RTO Support - Rings turned out support? Rings are the best thing I bought in my entire life. Took me a couple of months to learn all the possibilities. Make sure to work on Pelicans, GOAT for biceps and chest, I wish I knew earlier about them. youtube.com/watch?v=aH7ob38sGN8

"Bu-lly Bu-lly Bu-lly Bu-lly Bu-lly!" the court cries in unison. Clearly, they're all agitated by your obvious attempt to prey upon their weaknesses. The chant appears to give Autismo a building power of some kind. His next move may be your last!

What will you do?

ask him if he wants to play sonic.

With a wild look in his eyes, Autismo uses the full power of his charge to "GO FAAAAAAAAAAAST!!!" He blasts right over you and through the wall of the King's arena. You are left at low HP, but alive. There is no sign of Autismo. He was traveling very, very fast and has likely covered a long distance.

The King shrinks in this throne. The Chancellor runs away through a rear exit. The King begins to emit a low "eeeeee-ee-eeeeeee-ee" sound.

i consume a healing potion and make for the kings throne.

Place both hands together, Acheive perfect form And enter into the deepest Squat, The nether squat. Slowly from a gutteral murmer, Rising Higher and higher until a mighty roar of pure creatine fueled Fury.Learned in the forbidden hills of the Aesthete mountains, I start the chanting of Transformation, Invoking the mighty will of the titan it's name holds. "z
.y
.z
.z,
Z.Y.Z.Z,
ZEE,
WHY,
ZEE,
ZEE.

never but i will check this out. thank you! i just bought the rings now because of this comment and saved myself some cash

[I am taking these as one action]

The healing potion was wise. The attempt at a transformation in front of an already beaten King was not.

The effort fails, as all efforts to become like the Ascended One have before, leaving you even less aesthetic than before. You catch your breath. A lot has been taken out of you, and you're out of healing.

The King of Lifting Autism speaks:

"The high-bar position lends itself to staying more upright when you squat, and that hits the quads harder and is more common among those who train Olympic lifts (snatches and clean and jerks). .Low-bar squatting hits the hamstrings and glutes better and allows you to lift heavier, so it's more common among powerlifters."

You aren't sure what he's driving at. One thing is clear: his life is in your hands, now.