Wanna hear how my first day at the gym went? Well first I'll say I'm autistic. Very autistic.
I live in the land of the free(america) So I walk into LA Fitness, and I go to the locker rooms. And there are two naked old men in there. And I'm not a fagget but I stared too long at one of them because I've never seen another adult naked before in real life. And the coot goes "WAT" and I back away startled. Yeah that's me, a pussy. After I put my backpack and change of clothes away I go to begin "working out"
Y'know get those gains "brah"
anyways I realize that I messed up. Because I came here not knowing what I should be doing. I thought that maybe they'd have a chart telling me what to do or a free personal trainer. So I hastily rush back to the locker room looking at all the Gym bunnies I'll never get because I'm a loser.
After spending 45 minutes in there I decide to go to /fit / and read the sticky. I then discover SS. Pretty simple, Ok let's start.
I don't know the gym etiquette apparently due to some poser telling I can't use the bench press for squats. I feel the heat of all eyes on me, and it's burning any gains I got. I also didn't know where to go to find the overhead press. So I finally decide to do deadlifts.
Now this is where things took a turn for the worse. I accidentally decided to roll the weights over to where I wanted to work out, and it ended up rolling like a good 15 feet away from me. And of course the peanut gallery all had their smirks on their face and the bunnies all thought I had downs or something.
So here I am an hour later, got done crying. I make bad spending choices when upset, so now I'm at the movies and (((Black Panther))) is about to start. I sit here with my 11$ tub of popcorn and my Hi-C orange juice and sour patch kids.
I just want to be like my role model Solid Snake. I just want to put in the effort and make my life better. It hurts Veeky Forums, please hold me... I think I'm just going to hire a trainer...
Shouldn't have walked in without any preparation I assume. But don't lose faith
>I just want to be like my role model Solid Snake. sounds like you're just having a laff and this is all made up, but just in case it's not: just go to the fucking gym, do any normal routine you'll find online, and that's that. Doesn't matter what the retards in the gym think
Is it not good to have fictional role models?
Autist here I learned to be the smartest guy in the room. Chad won't last when you bugs bunny the shit out of him
yeah it's good i guess, idk. Good luck brah
Yeah get a trainer that knows the lifts to run you through the first few workouts of SS at least and be adamant you want to do that program. They'll probably try forcing you on 12 rep machine work and distance treadmill running, but you're paying for the service so you should be able to get the help you request. I think this might be a shit bait post since people usually don't read the sticky before making a post like this, but good on you for doing that if you did.
Watch videos of the workouts to learn form and cues. Also, make sure you're actually trying to do the program right for SS because you probably aren't doing it right. You need to eat right and most likely at a bit of a surplus, you need to increase your weights every time you lift if able, you need good form, you need to sleep, don't throw in gay random shit yet, and keep trying to read and learn more. Whatever you do right now will probably be wrong, but keep at it since you'll never learn without putting in effort and some trial and error.
Yeah man be a smart ass and you'll win women, fights and free drinks
If you guys can keep this thread alive for a few hours, I'll read OP in my Snake voice. Link related, my Snake voice: vocaroo.com/i/s00Xy7MNt0mn
Metal gear will never be the same for me
We only have 1 image in this thread let's keep it up boys game on
It'll be about 4 hours. Snake voice requires my voice to be pretty worn before it sounds good
You slurpin 4 hours of dick to get it worn down enough? What's your process?
They probably shoot hot gooey cum down his throat to while yelling out "SNAAAAAAAAKKEEEEEEEE
I'm fucking dying here thanks OP good taste in snakes btw
That's exactly how it happens. The warm liquid is coarse and irritates my vocal chords just enough to give me that edge. Gotta get protein for them gains too
Your voice oscillates between a fucking muppet and a near-perfect snake impression. Its hilarious. I want to see you re-dub a cutscene that way.
mate on the snake thing i completely agree trust me just dont eat as much and go regulary to the gym
Snake's got a lot of high notes. Hayter himself said the mistake most people make is growling all the time. "It's got high notes, it's just kinda hollow at the bottom." Also he didn't even really growl until MGS3
I've done a fair bit of research and spent a ton of time getting it as close to perfect as I can. Trust me, that sounds way better than going full gravel
Sure, I can sing a bit. I can't hold a note for shit as Snake though
Chris Evans as Snake makes me moist
So uh glad this getting really metal gear and all but I want to go to the gym tomorrow so what should I do differently
I only have dumbbells at home, so everything I do is body weight or those
Arm day: Bicep curls, hammer curls, military presses, butterflies, front raises, side raises, push ups, planks
Leg day: Warm ups (Standing Hamstring Stretch, standing stretch, ground stretch, pictures on form in gallery), supported outward squats, side leg raises, 6" leg lifts
Bulgarian split squats and jogging after building up my quads some
Can I do push ups and planks anywhere in the gym? Or is there a certain part of the gym I have to go to do it
Would have loved to see the replies for this
can't find it in the archive
Dunno bruv, I exercise at home. I'd ask someone that looks approachable
Yeah, you know, dress like a woman and make out with him? He'll be all like "wtf!?" and you'll go like "you're gay now" and then he fucks you i guess i dunno
>I just want to be like my role model Solid Snake This is where I became sure this was fake
If you actually stuck it out for as long as you say with all your fuckups, you will be fine. Half the issue for first timers is getting over the feeling everyone is watching and judging your dumb shit. But honestly no one gives a fuck they are their for gainz. The ones that do stop and laugh are probaly only doing shit level cardio.
Just keep lifting and do some prep next time.
Normally there's a area set aside. There might be mate on the floor or hanging. Don't fucking plank in the middle of the free weight area though.
It isn't my friend. I really look up to snake tho he had to put in alot of work to surpass his brother and beat ocelot
Thank you for telling me because that's what I was actually going to do...
This reminds me.. When I first started going to the gym and was in OPs situation my goto confidence booster was
>lmao look at these fucking meatheads. >They look at me like I don't know what I'm doing >they don't know I'm literally the smartest compsci grad this year and have a 6 figure starting salary >hahaha I bet they're unemployed >I bet they don't even know a programming language LOOL
I'm not proud of judging fellow gymbros but at least it helped me not be a pussy when I started. OP, I'm sure you're really good at atleast one thing. focus on that and get your confidence up when you feel uncomfortable
Don't lose hope pal, we all start like that. And hiring a trainer isn't a bad idea, it's really important to have good form, and he could help you with that. And don't think for a moment that you humiliated yourself in front of others, they probably don't remember you, and even if they do, they will probably be sympathetic. Everyone loves to help a newbie out.