Wanna hear how my first day at the gym went? Well first I'll say I'm autistic. Very autistic

Wanna hear how my first day at the gym went? Well first I'll say I'm autistic. Very autistic.

I live in the land of the free(america)
So I walk into LA Fitness, and I go to the locker rooms. And there are two naked old men in there. And I'm not a fagget but I stared too long at one of them because I've never seen another adult naked before in real life. And the coot goes "WAT" and I back away startled. Yeah that's me, a pussy. After I put my backpack and change of clothes away I go to begin "working out"

Y'know get those gains "brah"

anyways I realize that I messed up. Because I came here not knowing what I should be doing. I thought that maybe they'd have a chart telling me what to do or a free personal trainer. So I hastily rush back to the locker room looking at all the Gym bunnies I'll never get because I'm a loser.

After spending 45 minutes in there I decide to go to /fit / and read the sticky. I then discover SS. Pretty simple, Ok let's start.


I don't know the gym etiquette apparently due to some poser telling I can't use the bench press for squats. I feel the heat of all eyes on me, and it's burning any gains I got. I also didn't know where to go to find the overhead press. So I finally decide to do deadlifts.

Now this is where things took a turn for the worse. I accidentally decided to roll the weights over to where I wanted to work out, and it ended up rolling like a good 15 feet away from me. And of course the peanut gallery all had their smirks on their face and the bunnies all thought I had downs or something.

So here I am an hour later, got done crying. I make bad spending choices when upset, so now I'm at the movies and (((Black Panther))) is about to start. I sit here with my 11$ tub of popcorn and my Hi-C orange juice and sour patch kids.

I just want to be like my role model Solid Snake. I just want to put in the effort and make my life better. It hurts Veeky Forums, please hold me... I think I'm just going to hire a trainer...

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Shouldn't have walked in without any preparation I assume. But don't lose faith

>I just want to be like my role model Solid Snake.
sounds like you're just having a laff and this is all made up, but just in case it's not: just go to the fucking gym, do any normal routine you'll find online, and that's that. Doesn't matter what the retards in the gym think

Is it not good to have fictional role models?

Autist here I learned to be the smartest guy in the room. Chad won't last when you bugs bunny the shit out of him

yeah it's good i guess, idk. Good luck brah

Bugs bunny?

Yeah get a trainer that knows the lifts to run you through the first few workouts of SS at least and be adamant you want to do that program. They'll probably try forcing you on 12 rep machine work and distance treadmill running, but you're paying for the service so you should be able to get the help you request. I think this might be a shit bait post since people usually don't read the sticky before making a post like this, but good on you for doing that if you did.

Watch videos of the workouts to learn form and cues. Also, make sure you're actually trying to do the program right for SS because you probably aren't doing it right. You need to eat right and most likely at a bit of a surplus, you need to increase your weights every time you lift if able, you need good form, you need to sleep, don't throw in gay random shit yet, and keep trying to read and learn more. Whatever you do right now will probably be wrong, but keep at it since you'll never learn without putting in effort and some trial and error.

Yeah man be a smart ass and you'll win women, fights and free drinks

If you guys can keep this thread alive for a few hours, I'll read OP in my Snake voice. Link related, my Snake voice: vocaroo.com/i/s00Xy7MNt0mn


Metal gear will never be the same for me


We only have 1 image in this thread let's keep it up boys game on

It'll be about 4 hours. Snake voice requires my voice to be pretty worn before it sounds good

Appreciate it!

You slurpin 4 hours of dick to get it worn down enough? What's your process?

They probably shoot hot gooey cum down his throat to while yelling out "SNAAAAAAAAKKEEEEEEEE

I'm fucking dying here thanks OP
good taste in snakes btw

That's exactly how it happens. The warm liquid is coarse and irritates my vocal chords just enough to give me that edge. Gotta get protein for them gains too

Your voice oscillates between a fucking muppet and a near-perfect snake impression. Its hilarious. I want to see you re-dub a cutscene that way.

mate on the snake thing
i completely agree
trust me just dont eat as much and go regulary to the gym

Snake's got a lot of high notes. Hayter himself said the mistake most people make is growling all the time. "It's got high notes, it's just kinda hollow at the bottom." Also he didn't even really growl until MGS3



You have to lurk here for atleast 2 years before you can start working out.

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Can you sing snake eater?

Holy moly

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a lot of this sounds like bull crap

I've done a fair bit of research and spent a ton of time getting it as close to perfect as I can. Trust me, that sounds way better than going full gravel

Sure, I can sing a bit. I can't hold a note for shit as Snake though

Chris Evans as Snake makes me moist

So uh glad this getting really metal gear and all but I want to go to the gym tomorrow so what should I do differently

I only have dumbbells at home, so everything I do is body weight or those

Arm day: Bicep curls, hammer curls, military presses, butterflies, front raises, side raises, push ups, planks

Leg day: Warm ups (Standing Hamstring Stretch, standing stretch, ground stretch, pictures on form in gallery), supported outward squats, side leg raises, 6" leg lifts

Bulgarian split squats and jogging after building up my quads some

Can I do push ups and planks anywhere in the gym? Or is there a certain part of the gym I have to go to do it

it is

Would have loved to see the replies for this

can't find it in the archive

Pls respond

Dunno bruv, I exercise at home. I'd ask someone that looks approachable

Yeah, you know, dress like a woman and make out with him? He'll be all like "wtf!?" and you'll go like "you're gay now" and then he fucks you i guess i dunno

>I just want to be like my role model Solid Snake
This is where I became sure this was fake

If you actually stuck it out for as long as you say with all your fuckups, you will be fine. Half the issue for first timers is getting over the feeling everyone is watching and judging your dumb shit. But honestly no one gives a fuck they are their for gainz. The ones that do stop and laugh are probaly only doing shit level cardio.

Just keep lifting and do some prep next time.

Normally there's a area set aside. There might be mate on the floor or hanging. Don't fucking plank in the middle of the free weight area though.

It isn't
my friend. I really look up to snake tho he had to put in alot of work to surpass his brother and beat ocelot

Thank you for telling me because that's what I was actually going to do...

This reminds me.. When I first started going to the gym and was in OPs situation my goto confidence booster was

>lmao look at these fucking meatheads. >They look at me like I don't know what I'm doing
>they don't know I'm literally the smartest compsci grad this year and have a 6 figure starting salary
>hahaha I bet they're unemployed
>I bet they don't even know a programming language LOOL

I'm not proud of judging fellow gymbros but at least it helped me not be a pussy when I started. OP, I'm sure you're really good at atleast one thing. focus on that and get your confidence up when you feel uncomfortable

Don't lose hope pal, we all start like that. And hiring a trainer isn't a bad idea, it's really important to have good form, and he could help you with that. And don't think for a moment that you humiliated yourself in front of others, they probably don't remember you, and even if they do, they will probably be sympathetic. Everyone loves to help a newbie out.

more solid snake pls

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The first time I went to the gym I literally walked in, did 5 pull-ups, and walked out.

>not staring at the naked old men longer judging their muscle composition, body fat, posture, dick size while eating ziploc bags of tossed white rice and tuna in hot sauce

Growls aren't working properly still. Sorry lads. Hopefully in another 2 hours it'll be right.

>my friend. I really look up to snake tho he had to put in alot of work to surpass his brother and beat ocelot
Ok cool



It was so fucking weird I've never seen an old naked man before. Disgusting honestly should be illegal


>Cant properly post thread link


Not my best work, but it was hard to keep my shit together while recording this

Absolutley pathetic

▲ ▲

good shit user, you can pull it off quite well

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I love you

God It felt like snake was mocking me :,(
I don't wanna feel this pain

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Top jej

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fucking kek


Listen to this

nice job brew. this place is pretty cool

based solid snake

Just keep it up bro. Some days I only do 1 set of my exercises, but I still exercise. That's the most important thing

How is this so accurate? Does David browse this place?

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Hey Hayter, when is MGS 6 coming out?

Naked people should be illegal?

based solid user bro.

please never stop. I want to hear you do the Rick n Morty high IQ copy pasta

Thanks user. I'd been up for like 16 hours and had been drinking, prime Snake condition. Years and years of practice too. I'd unironically voice Snake professionally if I could, I fucking love MGS

Ask and you shall receive vocaroo.com/i/s1hcrs4LV1wI

Dude, everyone is awkward their first day at the gym. Its embarassing but you keep going back. Eventually you get comfortable there. Keep going and you'll make it

Anyone have the solid snake gif where its pic related but with snake

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Quality post

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Includw me in the screencap

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>screencap of a voice recording
user ...

That's really impressive, you sound very mgs4 but it seems like you can pull of mgs1-3 too. Have you got any pointers? I'm trying to work on my Snake voice


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this but still incredible


MGS2 style + tips. Accidentally let my real voice slip a few times, so I'm gonna delete this one in a few hours. Download it if you want

you made it brah

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well done user well fucking done

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mfw david hayter browses Veeky Forums

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>For me it's Bugs Bunny. Intelligent, nihilistic, and with a wicked sense of humor.

Thank you very much user, the boss would be proud

Thanks for all the love guys! If you have any requests let me know

Happy to help