Meanwhile, on Kobold Veeky Forums

Guys, need some help. Boss's favorite plundering town picked up an infestation of Adventurers recently, Wizard, Cleric, the whole pack.

Any advice on getting rid of them? Preferably without getting turned into a newt.

Way I figure it, it's easier to make yourself not worth the effort than trying to get past their magical armory-whatsits and stuffs.
So then you got two options, right? One is to make yourself really fucking prickly. You got traps, I got traps, the Cleric's a trap, but you want MORE traps. Like, everything is a trap. Even traps are traps.
Maybe trapped traps are traps, I don't know I'm not a trapmaker, just an enthuastic amateur. Magic shit too, magic traps. And if they want something you've got, get rid of it if you can or trap it. Basically, you want the adventurers to realise that shit shit ain't worth it.
Option two is to play nice to them. Make it so getting rid of you just wouldn't feel right, it ain't worth it for even a heap of gold. Not a big heap mind, they're fucking adventurers after all and we're kobolds. But a small heap made of mostly silver, maybe.
To do that, less sure. I think it's more a case-by-case basis. Offering a bit of help/loots in exchange for a task went well last time my tribe got into adventurer troubles.

That, or just bugger off and lay low for a couple weeks and come back to help rebuild afterwards.

Problem is, I don't think the boss will want to hold off on plundering that town until the adventurers leave, or wait for them to come to him. He really, really likes plundering that town.

Make more fucking traps then. Shout at them that the town is secretly evil or something.
I should not have to tell you to make traps. This isn't /gob/. Oh by the way dragons are neat. I wouldn't normally say that but I feel like you're behind on the basics.

You've got several options.

has a point. Ramping up your trap production is definitely an option.

Likewise, attempting to make yourself useful to them is another option. Doesn't usually work, though. The scale-less savages don't really understand 'alliances' or 'friendship' or 'community'.

Personally, I'm more of a 'poison the well' kobold. There are a variety of parasites and toxins that don't bother us at all. Transporting them into sensitive areas of the town can lead to the scaleless ones becoming very sick, adventurers included. Then you could either offer them cures in exchange for non-aggression treaties, or let them die.

I just hope they aren't infested with 'Gnomes', disgusting little dirt-fuckers.

>I'm mixing drinks for the dragon and hating my life.jpg

Never had trouble with adventurers before. Ever since we made that sewer for copper town they've left us alone. Did have some trouble with orcs a while back. Maybe it's the same.

So first off, crossbows. Yeah, expensive as hell and hard to make but trust me a good crossbow is worth it's weight in gold. Any stupid-stupid can use one and you can use them in tunnels too. Y'heard me, indoor shooting. Good barracades also help. Something to rest the crossbow on when you're not cowering behind it. Put a pit trap in front of it and you've got somethin' serious.

Also, extra tunnels help. We had sneaky ways all over the mountain once. Turned an entire valley into one big trap with hidden crossbow nests from all directions. I know, I know, more ways for them to get in but if you keep the side tunnels under three feet it'll slow down most tall-folk.

I had one tunnel that was less than one foot tall. Cramptest half mile I know but there was a Strawberry patch on the other side. Strawberries! The females never look at you the same after you get them strawberry jam.

Finally, most other races don't do digging like we do. You want something, dig under it. Once, we dug this big cavern under a building and had the whole thing fall in. Never saw it coming.

I cannot recommend use of canine cavalry, and canine patrol packs. They are aggressive, loyal, integrate easily into civilized society, and breed quickly.

Fuck it, might as well post here. You might have grubs for brains but this board occasionally throws up gold.
Part of a big ol' warren on the giantbone mountains, tunnels and families over a few mountains. Nice life, if a little cramped for me. Point is, one of our tunnelers went and tunneled right into a dwarven mine system. Yeah. Impressive tunnels though, if kind of inefficient. All those straight lines!

Freaked both of us tribes -is it tribes with dwarves or clans?- there was a little blood spilled before we pulled back to assess what was going on.
Actually got a little talking done on opposite sides of the breach at range. Kind of funny seeing our dragon acolyte shout at the hairy fatties back and forth Half of it was "What? I didn't catch that, can you repeat that? And louder?" until we moved a little closer.
Way I figured it, both of us knew about the other but didn't realise we ranged this far underground so we didn't think to do any detecting or cleverstuff like that.

How boned are we? We're a big warren and all, but no patron and up against dwarves. No dragon means no dragonfire.

GNOME SLAVE WAT DO??

>Posting stale "Gnome Slave" meme
>In the year of the frozen Dingbat

Lurk more Newtfag.

...

Trap the Humies. Race war now.
>inb4 go back to /gob/

Probably not too much, as long as none of your tribe does anything to antagonize them.

You'll probably have to start asking them for permission to start digging in certain directions, unfortunately.

How tough do they look? You might just have to pray to your local dragon to protect you.

Bugbear Undernet Defence Force detected. gb2/gob/ please, this is a peaceful tunneling discussion board.

kobolds were better when they looked like pugs

>Related to dragon master race
>Humans are not
>Humans still run the world for the most part
What went wrong?

Humans kill Dragons. A lot. I mean, like a Lot. Like, seriously they have entire markets run around dragon body parts. It's kinda depressing actually.

...

Poor masters ]:

keep dreaming you pathetic Wyrm-rats. You exist so your betters can leave your bodies crushed under our iron fucking boots.

Your life is of no value, kobolds. You are vermin and will die as vermin.

Kill the genocidal rodent before it betrays you and slaughters your clan. You know where they fucking come from. You know the legends. The only good gnome is a dead gnome. No exception.

Yeah, sure. Enjoy your fleas, ticks, and lice, you disease-riddled manticore hairballs.

I came here to laugh at all of you.

Legit question guys, what do you do if you accidentally activate your own pit trap?

I'm asking for a friend.

Make another one, obviously.

Dead end hallway 3A could use another pit trap.

Well, that's some shit and no mistake. It's a mountain! It's not like they made it. Why do we have to ask them to dig? They didn't ask us.
Though if we can just go back to ignoring each other I'll be happy, so not worst thing I suppose.

Contemplate suicide.

GRONK

>It's kinda depressing actually.
Yes is it. SELLING DRAGON EYES! GET'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT! ONLY 200 GP FOR A PAIR!

How about I sell you a pair of stabbed kobold eyse? Your own, for free.

...still not as bad as the kobold fetishists, at least.

Speaking of, I was doing some muggings on the street and I see this pale girl. "Easy mark" I think and the next thing I know I'm out cold. So I'm lying there in agony waiting for Hell, and I wake up, and this girl has me tied up by a campfire and is PETTING me like a dog!

She was saying something in the surface language and she untied me in the morning and let me go.

What in Tiamat's name just happened!?

Says the one who isn't making a massive amount of gold by loaning out kobolds to fetishists.

She was probably a ghost.

Ghosts don't give you concussion and lumps the size of my fist.

If a skinlover and a kobold fetishist want to do stuff it's no scales off me. I'd profit from it if I could, but I'm not sending my kin to that unwillingly.
Their eyes though. I felt like needing a wash after a minute.

You got lucky is what. Bad stuff happened and you survived. Any day with trouble or danger that you can pass with only a bruise is good one.

Dig up, stupid.

I think I saw my master browsing this board, what do?
There's a chance /dgn/ has similar threads, but I swear I recognized the trap general OP thumbnail and a "dumb shit adventurers do" thread that was up a while ago.
Maybe she's a mod or something, but still...

Would you a princess?

Who said I was a kobold?

>not being a kobold
>posting on /kbd/
>year of frozen dingbat

I don't have an etching of a cartoon child in the eastern style looking self-satisfied enough to convey my emotional response to your post.

>mfw all these faggotsdon't even have a dragon master
Lmao, fucking losers! He even said I did a good job!

It feels bad, man.

>tfw he pointed for first time in my direction and said "yes, yes, VERY GOOD that's the spot" when I was on cleaning duty
Cleaning duty is best duty because you get second most good jobs, and it's not dangerous like treasure duty.

Clearly you are second rate, pleaseing master is best job.

>Having a master so small you can please him
>Talks about second drake
Shoo-shoo with your wyrm or drake.

You guys would not believe the adventure I just had.

I get it, it's great. Meanwhile I'm sitting here without a master, and I probably wouldn't even be picked for cleaning or nothing! Just be the same practice magics and help trapmakers and miners that I do now.

>Wanting adventure
Why?
>Staying in the burrow
+Warm
+Nice
+Cozy
+Food
+Work
-Bullies
>Adventures
-Cold
-Not nice
-Wild beasts
-Adventurers
-Bullies

>master
>she
Isn't the title "Mistress" then? I wouldn't bring it up, though so long as you're only on here when you don't have anything to do, she might appreciate playing along with any of this board's memes if she starts one.
I have heard that there are a few dragon mods or janitors here, though; I guess they just want even more kobolds to hold power over.

I've been lucky enough to get that duty a couple of times. It's really a full-body sort of thing, and often he calls for two of us. Gotta make sure to cover yourself head-to-tail in some form of lubrication, unless your master's into dry-scales.

...I think your definition of cleaning duty is different to mine.

>implying I wanted to go on it

I followed the wizard out of the cave to try and kill him, but the big green angry one thought I was being ..."adorable" and they took me hostage. Or so they thought! I let them take me hostage so I could learn the magics of men, and now I have my own horde: two whole coppers!
>Bullies
Pls, the bullies won't take my lunch anymore once I buy them off.

Your master is a fucking DEGENERATE, I bet he's metallic too and CG, what a fag.

Worst cleaning duty is post-monstrous knight party cleaning duty.

>I want the armors

...

Fuck off, at least my mistress doesn't live in a fucking sewer and isn't black

>#Servinggold,#goldmasterrace

>I don't have an etching of a cartoon child in the eastern style looking self-satisfied enough to convey my emotional response to your post.
I do.

>captcha: identify red dragons
>includes pic of dead blue
fucking hell. Who's in charge of that shit, humans?

I don't understand it either, but I have no reason to criticize his decisions.

Golds have weird wings. Green a best.

>elf reaction image
>ever

Reminder
>Master race
RED DRAGON
>am a fucking shit-kobold might as well be a goblin
other colors
>Am a degenerate and like when adventurers fuck my cloaca!
Metallic

I've shit posted for 10,000 years, and I'll shit post for 10,000 more.

>not following actual gold

Now we're all anonymous kobolds here, but are you sure you're not just a lizardman pretending to be a kobold?

>two coppers
The most I ever got was a rusty copper dagger.

HIDF?! On MY board?!

Post your >adventurer stories
>Get sent to pick berries
>It sucks
>It's cold
>At least it's dark
>Suddenly out of fucking NOWHERE elf adventurer naked
>He sees me
>I run while a hung naked elf tries to catch me for over an hour

I fucking HATE going out.

My green mistress likes to look at the stars. I get to polish the big look-through-thing!

>tfw all yours keeps is ancient artifacts

I miss k'zzzukzz 61212c, he got obliterated by a wand of obliterate he was cleaning.

I can assure you I have nothing to do with unfeeling cold bloods

Human idiot here.

After an incident involving a gas leak at a mine I own, I now have about two dozen unhatched kobold eggs with no parents in my possession.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? My wife died long ago and I kind of want to raise them, but I also have no idea how to raise a kobold.

GET OUT.
YOU WANT OUR SECRETS.

GAS THE HUMANS! RACE WAR NOW!

Leave them at a nearby cave. You wouldn't be able to handle the difficulties of raising a smart and crafty species

Look I'm just trying to help here.

I think I probably could, to be quite honest. I'm a resourceful guy.

The truth of the matter is they are more than likely lost. If their brood has been killed they won't be taken in by another and will more than likely be eaten.

Your best course of action is to kill them to spare them suffering. The most human way would be to slowly freeze them

Hey, hold up, I'm not going to kill twenty babies. I already killed like five dozen kobolds completely on accident, I'm going to have to donate half my profits for the next decade to the temple to make it right.

I'm just one guy but I'm quite wealthy. I can hire servants and stuff to help me raise them. Seriously, I can do this.

I wish I could one day play houses&people with a REAL human... I wonder what their voices sound like.

>tfw defeated by fucking SATYRS and violated for hours
my cloaca hurts what do? All the squad agreed to not ever talk about this

>The most human way

You cheeky cunt

Were they hot satyrs?

>Hot
I can't walk proper and it all hurts and bleeds, they're fucking SATYRS they're twice a kobold size, I think my pelvis broke.

Your willingness and kindness are admirable, but you must understand that many kobolds are distrustful of humans (assuming you are human) and even then that may be the decision of whatever dragon they are serving.

I suppose honorable or proper should have been used. Then again I'm not of your mortal ilk and my obersvations are not absolute

I do get why you're distrustful. I literally just accidentally killed a bunch of you, and I'm the only one who seems to be upset about it. Most of the guys down in the mine hated that I let them live in those caverns anyway.

I only need basic advice. Things to look out for, what kind of food to give them, what sort of hygienic habits I should instill in them. I can handle most of the rest.

I really just don't want anybody else to die.

I would hug her and gently pat her head as she cries, saying that no-one's going to hurt her and everything will be alright. Then, once she's stopped wailing, I would hold her hand and comfort her until she stops trying to escape.

Money doesn't fix deaths, but I take your point.

Can't reccomend you care for them, suggest finding other warren but assuming that's not possible. Incubation is typical for eggs, keep warm. Don't assist with hatching unless something goes wrong, it takes a bit.
Not going to bother to try and tell you how to raise kobold as kobold. Wouldn't fit in post anyway. Start small, in all things. Food and teachings. We learn and grow fast, but start small. No jokes about how we stay small. Heard them before.
They are kobold, not human, not dwarf, not halfing and definately not bloody gnome, remember that too. Smallest of dragons, servants to living gods. Pride as such and cunning are what we are, not heroism and resistance. Blood will out, don't fight it.

And don't let them think of you as a dragon, lost and ignorant they will be in your care. That's just insulting to them and dragons as a whole.
Mostly though.. we survive well enough without help. Hard to break us, won't be hard to keep them alive.

I should note that I'm not a kobold, merely an observer who's watch the interactions between you mortals.

That said, I appreciate the genuine nature of your kindness

>not a mortal
*Holds up pitchfork*

Money really doesn't, you're right. I know that well enough from back in my younger days.

What do they eat, exactly? That's my main concern right now. I already have them by a fire, which I believe should help out with the warmth, but I need to know what to give them when they hatch. Fish?

As for the dragon thing, I don't want to be seen as an all-powerful, godlike overlord. More of a kindly headmaster is what I'm going for.

Oh, one of those types. Gotcha.

I'm sure you probably find this especially ironic considering that incident in the cave by the yawning river back when I was 24, if you're omniscient.

>Oh, one of those types. Gotcha.
>I'm sure you probably find this especially ironic considering that incident in the cave by the yawning river back when I was 24, if you're omniscient.

I am not. I have seen mortals who have done horrible things but later became benevolent as well as the other way around. It's what makes you mortals so fascinating, not being confined to a single way of being.

>immortal on /kbd/
Go back to.. well shit is there even an /immortals/ board on this? I think must you need Gold membership to see that like the /god/ board.

You realise we're often scavengers right? Human town dumps have plenty we can eat for saint's sake. Fish will be fine, mushrooms and fruits good too. Minced at first. Also no spices at fist, and avoid too much milkfoods. Tasty, but can cause trouble later with insides.

Their voices are strange. Deep, slow, kinda slurring. Human faces can make the most interesting shapes, though!

My previous master used to use a similarly kind treatment to persuade captives to not escape. Well, that and traps. One time it worked well enough that one of them came back after she was rescued to visit him peacefully

Okay, awesome. I can do that. You guys are pretty self-sufficient so hopefully they'll figure everything else out for themselves.

How quickly do they reach maturity? How long will it take for them to be able to speak?

It wasn't horrible, per say, just sort of ironic for this particular situation. Especially since the other guy I talked to called dragons "living gods," which, well, they're not. They're quite large and quite scary but enough damage and they die just the same as everything else.

I just wish the coward hadn't hid behind an army of relative innocents.

We're not that interesting, really, but if you show up at a local gaming house and try to play there's a decent chance they'll let you in, if you're in a kobold-friendly part of the kingdom. You'll be a novelty, at the very least. They might even let you play a game or two with them, if they're especially kind.

I do have access to /god/ however I'm not very well received there because of my opinions on mortals. I tend to just lurk which is what I did before anyways.

If I can break open a dragon egg and crawl inside it, will I become a dragon?

Are humans warm?

No, but you'll become dead real quick

Yes. I was once kidnapped to be a human group's thief or something for a couple weeks - just had to find traps, really. Apparently the female one decided to try to make sure I didn't slip out during the night by holding me to her body as we slept. She was soft and warm, but kind of misguided - I stayed because the humans were taking watch in shifts and I didn't think I could sneak away; she had really poor form to pin my arms to my sides.
I didn't get to touch the males much, so I don't know if it's a gender thing, maybe only the females are warm and the males are frigid or something.

Yes, we are warm-blooded.

There's humans who are into cuddlign and doing other shit to kobolds but you're going to have to look in some really sketchy parts of cities for that kind of thing

Glad to see another /K/obold, with our arms of fire and lead we shall those damn warm-skins the fury of the scaled folk!

Human mortals tend to have similar levels of body temperature that they maintain for both genders. The only variance I've observered are those who are deeply into magic or have subjugated themselves to an immortal like myself as their physical properties tend to manifest in them.

Mostly because a dragon will kill you for breaking an egg.

If I understand it right, kobold mature faster compared to human races. Fasater numbers, more deaths. Depends a little on tribe and dragon ancestry too.
Two years for some speech (not great), six for physical maturity, mental takes longer.
Forgot to say, forgot it's only scaled thing. Shedding, stone or like to help clear skin. Heated bath can help too, bitterleaf chew good for scales if you have it and it is known by that name. Try hiring other scaled race if you can. Similarities, easier to deal with.
Is this not in some guide to races somewhere? Bestiary even? It's not a secret.

Or they'll just kill us all with their better guns. That could happen too.