Wake up

>Wake up
>Stranded in a wasteland of loneliness and self pity
>Go to class
>Return back to my room
>Study econometrics for a couple hours
>Read literature for a while
>Descend to main room of my frat house to get blackout drunk, play esoteric drinking games and do lines of cocaine while listening to PC music, Justin Beiber and Grimes
>Pretend I don't care about the hot girls in the room my brothers invited to hang out with us but I'm just too much of a coward to talk to them
>Nietzschean father doesn't approve of my neo-reactionary Kierkegaardian existential Christianity
>Frat brothers comfortable with Camus-induced baby-boomer-esque Hedonism
>Retire at 3:00 AM when I realize it's a Wednesday night and I have class in six hours
>Go upstairs to my cold room, empty bed and books
>Lament my own infinite short-comings and the ethnic suicide of Western Europe

Any of you guys know a good version of Jerusalem Delivered? I asked my father for it for Christmas but he said it would take Amazon three weeks to ship it, and the website didn't even provide an image of the cover.

This is a pretty good post OP. It portrays a character that I think we can all relate to too to some degree

I'm just being myself

>student
>cocaine
how you do it op

I don't see the contradiction

Students are willing to pay for any means of escape. Consider how much people pay for fucking beer.


I can make a gram of coke last me 3-4 days.

coke is expensive, or maybe be is just getting flour

Not all students are poor.

Aren't you scared of getting a stroke or heart attack or something from the drugs? Why do you do drugs when your mommy explicitly told you not to do them?
Is it because she didn't come to kiss you goodnight in your warm bed when you were a child?

Hope your gonna take real analysis

i'm pretty sure i've read this green text before

No, I'm not afraid. I don't do that much cocaine anyways.
Of my life or Jerusalem Delivered

sounds about right. Except I just can't console myself with Christianity, no matter how hard I want or try to

>tfw none of my friends like pc music

Kierkagaard's Christianity brings me more comfort the more I feel detached from society/my previous intellectual beliefs
It grows on you. It's becoming quite big in the frats at my school.

not the other guy but with regards to your christianity, is it that you genuinely believe in a god, specifically the christian god, and jesus and heaven/hell and all that?

by 'intellectual beliefs' are you referring to some kind of atheism? if so what made you believe that christianity is the 'truth'?

not trying to sound dickish or anything, I'm just curious, religious conversion has always fascinated me

For analysis of functions of a real variable. If you want to do economics it's very important

Coke isn't very expensive in the US (50-80 dollars a gram, depending on location and quality).

When I was living in california an eight ball was 100 dollars, which college kids can afford.

I was raised irreligious. I believe God's existence is exceedingly unlikely and believing in him is irrational. Nontheless, I believe belief is a good thing, that Christianity is a force for good in the world and that my life would be better if I could sincerely belief in it. Look up Kierkegaard for a better understanding of the direction I'm coming from.
That is certainly an analysis I am prepared to take.

regardless of my understanding of Kierkegaard it's clear that you don't and will most likely never truly believe, so why call yourself a christian? why not just act like a good person and call it that?

I understand that wanting to believe is a genuine thing, in fact I think I fall in the same category there, but there's a big difference between wanting to believe, pretending to, and actually believing.

Again sorry, I'm not trying to be aggressive here or anything if that's how I'm coming across.

It's too soon to say whether I'll ever be able to sincerely believe Kierkegaard "subjectivity" (leap of faith). I'm still trying, despite the absurdity.
Tf when no gf is definitely a powerful force that plunges me into nihilistic despair and prevents true faith

Hopefully one day I'll be a real Knight of Faith TM

True you should never say never, but for me I simply can't imagine, beyond a genuine religious experience like a sober, provable, eye-witnessed communion with god himself, how anyone could turn around and say "yep, christianity makes sense and is the most likely truth, therefore I will follow its teachings".

Also, trust me, the feeling of nihilistic despair doesn't disappear when tfwnogf disappears. I have a wife and I still feel a crippling sense of absurd, nihilistic desperation, routed in a strong acceptance of hard determinism. My wife is christian and we talk about this kind of shit regularly, but her arguments for her beliefs just serve to solidify my own as the most reasonable.

Christianity does not make sense, nor should it. God is a transcendental and therefor incomprehensible entity; his religion would reflect that.
The thing about the absurd is that believing in God doesn't complicate an understanding of the world. God's will can never be known, nor his actions. Believing an ostensibly benevolent God is pulling the strings is not much that much different than believing life is a cosmological accident when it comes to leading my life. Science, secularism, "rationality" are all just as readily available- natural selection/scientific theories of the origin of the universe are not necessarily mutually exclusive with God.
At the very least, it allows me to suspend my disbelief so I can pretend to believe morality has an objective basis in reality to rationalize my pathos and actions.

And al least you don't fall asleep in an empty bed by yourself every night.