How do you fix it Veeky Forums?

To be different, and give hope to gingers

>Voldemort is not a child of love therefore he's evil
If you say so JK

>hope for gingers
least realistic part of the series if I'm being truthful

Rewrite it in fragmented stream of consciousness and add in footnotes about the exact scientific function of magic and obscure trivia about Icelandic wizards and their attempts to make a spell that conjures up a good banana breakfast, because I'm from Veeky Forums and I only like the meme trilogy.

because then ron would have to fuck his sister

>Suddenly Hallows vs Horcruxes in the last book
What the fuck?

>harry dies
>neville is the chosen one
>hermione becomes a moriarty type antihero fighting the corrupt ministry
>ron can fuck off, idk joins muggles or something
>magical sex
>A FUCKING COHERENT MAGIC SYSTEM

I like to believe I could do both, but have so far done neither.

>attempts to make a spell that conjures up a good banana breakfast
Yes, but could they make eggs that aren't breakfast food?

Make Neville the chosen one and Harry a decoy. It's infuriating that she would tease us with this idea in book 5 only to drop it immediately, especially because it's far better then what we got. It would help with two of the series' biggest issues, that Harry is one of the least interesting characters in the story, and two, that everything concludes exactly how you would expect (save for Dumbledore's death)

Cut down the fourth book and from then on don't try so hard to be dark and serious

LOL.

the fourth book was the best one though. the last good one before it went all dark and serious. the fifth one was the one that needed an edit, maybe thats'w aht you meant?

>moriarty
>antihero
wut

Kek, I remember when they literally had to apologize for the thickness of the book on the dust jacket.

I don't think she is smart or reflective enough for that to be intentional. It is just an inherent part of being a woman. The total submission and acceptance of the 'institution'

ban everything in any way related to hegel

This. I raged when Neville wasn't the chosen one and I was only a kid.

lol@ all your shitty plot twists. Sounds like you wanted it to be like game of thrones

Use a time turner to prevent The Cursed Child from ever happening

Stop making everything about Voldemort. The first book, ok, he gets rid of him. Does every other book have to end with a show down with him around final exams? Wouldn't Goblet of Fire been a cool enough concept without it ultimately just being a way for Voldemort to get Harry? Isn't a gian't snake terrorizing a school cool enough without the student being a young Voldemort?

This is correct
Submissiveness and a focus on security over freedom are typical female features.
>inb4 everyone is different
Biology.

this.

Never write it.

Use a time turner to kill JK Rowling before she can write HP1.

>Wizard world is morally ambiguous and clearly reaching a breaking point in its modus vivendi of secrecy with the Muggles
>Muggle-born epidemic on the rise is at the head of this coming crisis, as pureborn families become increasingly rare and their prestige stranglehold over Wizard society slips away
>Muggle-borns starting to bring Muggle values back to faggy Wizard land
>Wizard society full of weird fucked up shit like house elves just being straight-up horrific chattel slaves
>Conflict inevitable
>Harry is unwitting catalyst for massive political upheaval at Hogwarts, administered by Dumbledore, a pure-blood idealist who gave up trying to reform Wizard society until the time was more congenial to reform
>Dumbledore and others are subtly promoting reform-mindedness
>There are signs it will probably ripple out from Hogwarts and erupt into civil war
>At the same time, serious grimdark fucked-up cosmic horror tier ancient villains like Voldemort are starting to awaken/escape imprisonment
>The atmosphere in faggot Wizardville is very tense, clearly it's the end of an era, big things are about to go down, but it's a mixture of anxiety and hope, rumours about the apocalypse, idealistic reform movements and their enemies, and plain political opportunism
>Harry is a moderate with a stake in both sides
>A big part of his arc is learning that the traditionalists have legitimate concerns and that the reformists' idealism is blinding them to ancient pacts and duties to protect against very real Dark Arts dangers, which are starting to erupt everywhere
>Conspiracy shit happens, spooky grimdark Voldemort shit happens, Snape kills Dumbledore, someone gets raped, Quidditch never existed
>As Harry comes of age, so do the kids reading along with the series, facing less and less straightforward or fairy-tale decisions and outcomes for the protagonists and the setting
>I done that when I was younger, and that was a bad move, you are a wizard

>biology
HAHAHAHAHA, SAYS THE INFERIOR BEING WITH ALMOST ONE CHROMOSOME LESS. I MEAN LOOK AT THAT SHIT, CAN EVEN BE CALLED A "CHROMOSOME"? NOT EVEN THE FIRST PAIR IS THAT SMALL. MALES CONFIRMED FOR BORDERLINE HUMANS. NO WONDER WHY THEY'RE ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND GET MAD WHEN THEY DON'T GET EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT, THEY'RE LITERALLY SUBHUMANS.

Harry ends up with pure Luna instead of slut Ginny.

Y'all realize it's a children's book? Not everything is supposed to make sense to adult minds like tooth fairies and easter bunnies and fairy godmothers

Even childrens books need to be internally consistent.

They didn't even have romantic moments throughout the series except for that horcrux illusion

can you name inconsistencies in the seriesthat are not likely to be accepted by, say, a ten year old?

Do you mean you as a ten year old or a person with normal mental capabilities as a ten year old?

>getting this bootyblasted over Veeky Forums

That's just a excuse. Alice in Wonderland and The Secret Garden are also children's book but they are better written and have more than meets the eye for adults to enjoy them as well.

>Guys I'm a totally mature writer! I can write for adults too! Adults like sex, right? Right, guys?

That was fucking disgusting desu. I don't want my children reading this.

>thinking Harry Potter needs fixing
absolute plebeian madness
you are no better than those adults who still consider themselves "fans" of Harry Potter

It's obv bait and you responded to it, probably because it played to your MRA sensibilities

Are you implying Harry Potter is absolutely perfect?

god yeah, seriously this. And polyphonic voicing too. Also take out the OP time turners, make Luna more of a manic pixie type that Harry ends up with and add in more adolescent [magic] sexual and drug experimentation.

I am implying you are not meant to fix something that behaves as intended.

I see you have put effort into your post and therefore I will not ignore you friendo. I acknowledge you

I see your post and I like it.

etalon of redditness, my man

There's nothing wrong with it, it's just a bad book.

OFFICIAL HARRY POTTER BOOKS TIER LIST

Best
> Order of Phoenix
> Half Blood Prince
> Deathly Hallows
> Prisoner of Azkaban
> Goblet of Fire
> Sorcerer's Stone
> The "Fantastic Beasts" movie
> Chamber of Secrets
> Jeconnais' "This means war" fanfiction
> Most other shitty fanfiction
> Harry Potter erotica
> Harry Potter / Artemis Fowl crossover sex fictions
> Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

Seriously though, the "This Means War" Fanfiction is so cringeworthy to read it is a work of art.

"The man was no longer Malfoy, a figure to be feared. He was just draco, a brave boy who was open about his sexuality"

jeconais.fanficauthors.net/This_Means_War/3__Poor_Draco/

By creating a very small subreddit in which only very serious content gets posted and talking about it on Veeky Forums.

I only won't do it, because I don't like the idea of working for free as a moderator.

You forgot

> Ironically God Tier
My Immortal

What's that about?

The most notorious fanfic of history. Look it up, get a bottle of booze, get a bunch of buddies, and do a reading. Make sure to read the author's notes each chapter.

Harry should have been a grill to be honest

Oh god it looks good already. holy shit....

>tooth fairies
capitalist boot imprint on the face of the universal experience of losing a tooth.
>easter bunnies
The bunny is symbolic of new life, it's a metaphor for Christ's renewal in resurrection... Commandeered by capitalism to sell chocolate.
>fairy godmother
snowflake egoism and the magical hope that you can be whisked away from your shitty proletarian life to a happily ever after.

Shitty examples, pure ideology.

>gather wood
>find some means of ignition
>lit fire
>burn books

wew lad top conspiracy

needs more NWO, globalist jews or whatever

make it into a porno anime hentai vr game

What even is post modern virtual reality hentai? Like the tentacle monster comes to fuck your face for money, but you realize it's actually the VR headset?

I went to the bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process. The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times.

And yet Harold Bloom's money is just as good as anyone else's to Rowling and the Harry Potter franchise.

BTW I hear now we're falling off a cliff with kids and reading (nearly nobody reads books anymore), so thanks everyone who said HP would save child literature. Bloom was quite wrong, Harry Potter cleared the way for nothing, not even King.

Enjoy, mate. I did a reading of it all in two nights with a couple of friends, never cried laughing that much. It really is quite an experience.

>the authoritarian bureaucracy of the wizarding world remains an unambiguously positive force.

Until it failed to react to a growing underground faction admist general popular discontent due to its own inertia which leads to its downfall.
I don't know where you get this idea that the Ministry of Magic is meant to be admirable, at best its merely functional and ineptly threatening (see Sirius Black)

Harry Potter:
Chapter 1

Harry Potter is sent to the draft.

I prefer the one about the wizards aggressively pushing acceptance of more and more muggle-born people until magic is bred out of society and the wizarding world ceases to exist

Also, is anyone else conflicted about the new movie coming out?
>Pros
- Based Colin Farrell playing a villain
-Based art deco+roaring 20s aesthetics
>Cons
- Shit tier actor Eddy Redmayne is the hero
- Don't want to support JKR's money grab
- Will likely suck

>“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

>It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!

Wait till you meet Volxemort/Voldemint/darth Valer

Hermione uses the time turner to go back in time and have sex with a past version of herself.
Does this fanfic exist?