Depersonalization

>Like my anxiety can be cleared away by meditating but it's like the dissociation is just constant background noise with no shut off.
why do you care about dissociation and ending it?

>I control everything, anything except my thoughts and my actions are just stimulus inputs,
holy shit you are a moron
you do not control your consciousness, nor you emotions, nor what you care about, nor what you despise, nor your thoughts nor even your actions.
And even worse, you are stupid enough to take pride of your stupidity.

Oh fuck! You see right through me dude! You have such a clear understanding of this, and quite frankly, the good people of this thread are indebted to you

It acts as a huge barrier to the outside world. It interferes with my quality of life in such a way that I wouldn't be able to be in the college I'm at and do the work I need to do since the symptoms are so inhibiting

not OP but i hsvr not been myself for a longer period of time in my life than i have been myself

You just need God, user.

A bippity bump

i have bad depersonalization and have always had terrible visual snow + tinnitus, i wonder if they are related

you also failed to mention why you needed to have "3 brain surgeries"

I have visual snow but it isn't at all major or even inhibiting; it's only really noticeable when I think about it or get bored. I wonder how many people are in a similar situation.