Gym stories thread?

>be me, doing back off sets of close grip bench at 60% of daily max
>dude loads up plate after plate on the bar
>up to 355lbs
>I can tell by his size and muscle tone that he's far too weak to handle this weight
>he goes and gets a spotter
>proceeds to do 3 reps of about 2-3 inches movement with his ass a mile off the bench while the spotter holds the bar
>moves on to incline bench and puts 225 on
>does the same 1/4 rep shit

Zero gains were made that day.

yea man idk seems like you got unlucky maybe wear a KKK robe with a staff and quietly whisper shoo shoo gains goblin over and over while waving the staff around and shuffling your feet until theyre gone and you can safely remove your clothes

God tier stretching routine

I was literally about to post the same thing, word for word. I heard him stirring in this room after this blasted out of my speakers at 120 decibels.

Not really a bully but me and this Asian dyel at the gym play this little game. There's this dyel asian with a little dick who is so small it just pisses me off. Not really a bully but I have this prank I'll do to him sometimes. I watched him enter his combination into his combo lock a couple of times. Once I got his code, I'm off to the games. What I do is I wait until he grabs his towel and goes to shower. Then I'll take all of his clothes and walk out to my car and put them all in my trunk. I've done this so many times my trunk is full of like a weeks worth of dyel asian clothes. Next I walk back and find a spot to watch with a good view. Lol then he has to walk out of the lockerroom in just a towel and leave the gym through the lobby. Bonus points if he's late for work after an early morning session. I'm always out in the lobby sitting on the couch laughing my ass off when he comes out. I think he knows it's me because every time I'm always there laughing but he hasn't said shit to me. Guess he is a sore loser that he loses our game.

I-is this real?

Seems like a mix on one hand you get naked grils on the other you get them stating and you and accidental boners..

you are a piece of shit

This happened to my gym. Public sex nearly tripled that same month before they reverted it back.

My gym has one of pic related in the cardio area. It usually has signs on it that say Keep Off. I never thought too much of it. Then last week I had to go to the gym later than usual. I'm doing my warm up on the treadmill and all hell breaks loose. It was literally a sir comic.
>tfw stifling laughter and running at the same time

Apparently they have """classes""" Monday Wednesday and Friday evenings, and I've never been around to see them.

I ended up just turning it into a cardio day and running so I could keep watching the show

Holy shit it's even better with sound

My fucking sides

Jesus Christ that's pretty hot.

Any time anyone mentions a sir comic I go read all of them again. Sounds like you had a fun time, user.

>>instagram.com/p/BE7Weizrs3v/

at least cite the original my man

instagram.com/p/BE496pPQsun/

Nice copy pasta you fucking faggot

What muscle does that work?

Is that lifting jesus, or just some westside congigate method for bodyweight training?

>Jesus training for the second coming

...

Where is this??

Holy fuck. It really does look right out of one of his comics.

I've always wanted to do a monkey bar style kettlebell trampoline battle rope joe rogan wrecking bell workout.

looks fun as fuck desu

I saw a woman doing squats in this

Are you sure this wasn't some fever dream of yours user

Really makes sense that one would do this while preparing to be crucified. Death by crucifixion, long and agonizing as it is, is typically from asphyxiation. One becomes so exhausted that their chest and lung can no longer bring in air because they can't pull themselves back up to inhale. Guess he doesn't want to die for our sins after all.

how?

She went inside with a bar and started squatting

People be fucking around at Barbell Brigade. I would have loved to see Bart kick that guy out. Unless he was just trying to be funny.

There's a dude at my gym who looks as close to feel guy as you could ever possibly resemble something.
> completely bald but more like in a "cancer" than "badass" kind of way.
>looks like he lifts but nothing spectacular
>rectangular nose
>sad eyes

>tfw can't even express myself through feelguy meme, because that's someone else now

people curling everywhere. seriously wtf is up with this? why? these people will curl everywhere, the squat rack, the power rack, the smith machine, the bench presses, hell even in the fucking free weights area. It just makes me sad.

hello newfriend :^]

why does this guy look like a fucking golem

this sounds like a lawsuit in the making

Opposite actually. Trannies are suing if you don't let them use whatever bathroom they want.

What is the name of the gym? Im asking for a friend, of course.

I'm pretty sure this did not happen

I think that's a machine for synergy 360 classes. My gym has those and it's actually really good cardio.

There's a big case/controversy atm about trans using the wrong bathrooms, Target took out a policy on letting people use whatever bathroom they identify with. There's a 600,000+ signed petition to boycott the place as a result.

.01% of the population.

Target is right. If a tranny wants to shit in the other gender's room it shouldn't matter. I mean, toilets have doors, nobody's gonna notice anyway.

is this the start of one of those made up boner storys

Wow! Fucking live footage from jerusalem? I always thought, the jesus video was kept in the vatican?

Somebody screencap this i can't

This week I had my first training at a new gym. They want you to do this with an instructor – in my case the boss, a lovely and very caring milf in her 50ies who is also a physiotherapist. I should add that the gym is part of a sports club with lots different things to do, so it is ridiculously cheap and you can do other things like martial arts as well for free.

Anyway, she led mey through the gym, showed me the machines and free weights and so on and I had to show her my routine (as I wrote before that she is very caring for "her" customers). We discussed core excercises, when this older women (more 70 than 60) with hair dyed black and a skin almost tanned to cancer entered the room and fucking stared at me as if she never seen a male. The instructor said hello and did a little bit of small talk while I did planks. The lady then started doing a machine near me and I was in her full view. When I did a bridge, the old hag passed me and said something like she'd right jump on me. I guess, I just met the gym-cougar ...

Done

He forgot to mention the string of sexual assaults in Target restrooms.

Imagine that your 10/10 high test gf went into the restroom, followed by some dude with a wig on. Would that make you hesitate?

I find this kinda hard to believe.

But then again, I find it strange that you've never been to sauna with girls, which would be a pretty similar situation.

>anons start going to orgy gyms
>board is filled with pregnancy scare threads

>feel sick and tired
>decide to gym anyway
>start feeling out of it
>keep going, get pumping music on
>unracking bench to do final set, feel lazy and put one on bar next to me
>do last reps
>get up and realise a guy is benching next to me
>I'd put a 20kg plate on one side of his bar
>sorry are y-you done?
He went full aspie and apologies to me. Am I alpha?

No, you're just both autistic

A lot of girls at my gym use the assisted dip/pullup machine to do a stupid exercise.

They hold onto the pullup bars and put one foot on the pad (and the other stays on a foot rest) and start pushing down on it and let it come back up. I really don't see what it achieves considering there's no tension going down and the weight they've put on (usually around 50-60kg) will just push their legs up which could be pretty dangerous.

The pad is grooved as well so it can be comfortable for knees to rest in too

I did the free pool zumba class after heavy leg day. Shit was pretty cash, we got floaty dumbells and everything.

>youngest person other than me was 70

Some guy at my gym hit a 600+ lbs squat pr in cargo shorts on turf. Pissed me off.

Chicks in the mens locker room are probly there to get away fom the creepy guys who are now in the womens locker room

>instagram.com/p/BE7Weizrs3v/

holy shit my sides are in orbit

checked out their site
they actualy make realy cool jungle gym style equipmtent if my company makes it I kinda wanna donate one to the city just so Ill have a place to to awsome tier calestenics

feel guy is actually called Wojak.

>this sounds familiar

>walk in gym in my regular attire
>this motherfucking fatass "personal trainer" tells me to leave

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Rape her

EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN! ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNT OUT AND THERE IS ONLY ONE STRAIGHT AND NARROW PATHWAY TO PLANET FITNESS AND IT DEALS WITH PAIN AND DESTRUCTION AND RECAPTURING THE SQUAT RACK! YOU PERSONAL TRAINER WILL FEEL THAT PAIN, FEEL THAT POWER AT PLANET FITNESS AS THE WARRIORS CLAW AND SCRATCH ALL OVER THE BACK OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR AND TELL ME TO DO WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY RIGHT AND WRONGFULLY WRONG! TAKE THE SQUAT RACK BACK--TAKE IT BACK TO PARTS UNKNOWN! LOAD THE SPACESHIP WITH THE ROCKET FUEL! LOAD IT WITH THE WARRIORS! BECAUSE AFTER PLANET FITNESS, THE RACK. WILL. BE. MIIIIIIIIIIINE!

Where is this from?

Planet Fitness.

Not much of a story but this weird guy made the bench into his own personal fortress.

>Napoleon Dynamite hits the gym

wtf mayne
what's that guy like?
what does he do?
>shoes on top of bench
lmao

Alright.
>a new guy starts at my gym
>mid thirties, balding, chubby
>always walks on the treadmill shadowboxing every once in a while
>he starts talking to himself
>mumbling things to himself when he's slowing down to pick up the pace
>a few weeks in more and more gym members are getting uncomfortable
>they also start noticing the smell
>he has literally shit his pants sometime in the past few days and hasn't changed
>reddish brown stain at the back of his beige shorts
>I work there, so I'll have to politely ask him to change clothes because other members have began to notice he smells like actual feces
>he gets upset and leaves
>allisgood.jpg
>a few months later he comes back
>allisnotgood.jpg
>he has developed a second voice, a mickey mouse type voice
>mickey mouse voice tells him jokes and he laughs with his normal voice
>sometimes he gets angry at the mickey mouse voice for interrupting his workout with jokes
Is he going to show up at the gym with a machine gun anytime soon Veeky Forums or should we just let him and his mickey mouse personality do their business?

What the fuck is he cleaning out his car or something?

>infinite stair stepper machine in the background

oh I see your gym likes to replicate what purgatory would be like

Tell him only Mickey Mouse is allowed to workout.

yes

Just dont take his red stapler

Just give him a candy bar every day so when he shoots the place up he spares you.

lol wtf

Yes I see this all the time! WHAT THE FUCK they then leave dirty shoe marks all over it. Fuck it's so dumb I can't imagine what they think they're achieving

MY LELS OMG XD

POST IT ON REDDIT

Ugh
>finish workout on assisted dip machine
>6'3 and my knees teater on the very edge of the assist platform
>on my 4th set and I'm boned, got pretty much all the weight set on it trying to go to absolute failure
>knees slip off, arms collapse as platform comes flying up to meet my nose
>broken nose.Jwow
>blood flow is unimaginable
>all over my arms, shoes, equipment
>leave
>battle anxiety while eating post gym 1000cal meal

It wasn't that funny really

This happens at your gym too? Pisses me the fuck off, makes the rest of us look bad

They're improvising a leg press.

Next time, let them know that's an inappropriate use of the machine and that there's a better one designed specifically to leg press. It's called a leg press.

He is after hours staff. He was messing around, man.

>.Jwow

Kekked. You're pretty dumb, though. There is no reason at all to fatigue your muscles to that degree.

Kek

Wasn't it Snookie who got the broken nose?

youtube.com/watch?v=nLa64nVCXvc

I just saw this the other day. Who the fuck comes up with this shit

Underrated post

>at different gym since i'ts like week and I like to change it up
>monday I notice some chick come in with a legit fake ass either she has ass genetics of the gods and jiggly as fuck too with shitty ass genetics everywhere else
>just a big fat ass real nice though I can't lie
>notice her staring through the mirror at me in the corner...guess she notices i"m new IDK
>Wed get there early and doing my shit again in the corner away from everyone
>fake ass comes in again and is like doing tons of curls in front of me basically
>every time she stops and drops the bar she has to keep pulling down her short shorts since they are riding up and you can see that ass line thing whatever
>after her curls she goes and does smith squats cool but still notice her looking in the mirror at me...getting weirded out
>almost done with my workout when she comes to where I am and actually takes the last of the corner where I'm at
>she's literally sitting next to me to the pint I can grab her
>she again is doing curls but now so close to me
>now I can see she does have a fake ass and some fake tits
>keeps staring
>we both smile at each other but she seems super stuck up like she's use to dudes hitting on her at the gym

She kept staring the entire time till she left. You think she just wanted attention from the new guy (me) or did she actually want me to follow her out to her car for some social interactions?

i once walked into a gym to check it out and there was a guy with a white-fro with a barbell with 2 plates on his shoulders dancing to music like kicking his legs out and stuff

Isn't this judging though? he didn't make loud noises and wasn't judging anyone.