Hey there Veeky Forums, here's my situation:

hey there Veeky Forums, here's my situation:

i'm a 29yo white male. over the past three years, my metabolism went off a cliff. i used to be known as a skinny guy at like 150lbs, but now i'm at 198lbs. this brings my BMI to 28.4.. it's spiked to even larger numbers a few times, but mostly stays there. i don't want to be super ripped or toned. i just want to be back to at least 160lbs.

i have NEVER been athletic and i'm not interested in sports or weightlifting. i was always the last kid picked in gym class because people knew i just didn't even want to be there. i'm into technology and hardware. i am extremely uncoordinated and my clumsiness has caused me to break a few bones doing multiple types of physical activity. to add on to all of this: i work the night shift at my job from midnight to 8am. i smoke weed daily to keep away anxiety and overall depression from my shit life and physical shape. i've been on (((antidepressants))) and SSRIs too, but they just zap my brain and cause even more weight.

this year, my wife and i signed up for local YMCA to try and do something about it. i have zero interest in becoming a chad - nothing about gym culture appeals to me at all. i did some light research on here; most of it was DUDE JUST LIFT HERE'S THE REPS AND SETS U NEED TO DO but i personally have no interest in hurting myself when i have virtually zero muscle mass and zero experience in any sort of chad shit. i tried researching how to eat better, but there's a trillion diet fads and it seems most of them are meant for women.

so i ended up going to the YMCA for the whole month of september, three times a week, two hours a day. my routine was this:

>"power walked" for 2 miles in 30 minutes
>did 15x5 movements or reps or whatever on four different machines: rowing machine, sit up machine, another machine where i twisted my torso left and right, another one where i'm pulling weights down in front of my shoulders.

[cont]

on each of these machines i'd be using the smallest weight at 30kg and my weakling fucking body would still start trembling at the end of the workout. then i'd finish, feel super tired and maybe a tiny bit better, then go home.

i did this for a month. i meticulously made sure the routine was the same each week.

i got zero results i was happy with. not even one or two pounds that i could be proud of shedding, because the scale would jump or go down a pound each time i weighed myself. i am still around 200lbs and the gym didn't nothing for me. it didn't make me feel better and it was still an annoying, unfun chore surrounded by judgmental assholes and old people.

my wife is upset and being passive aggressive because i want to cancel my membership. i'm probably not going to because she loves going and it's good for our kids to be active, but i foresee this whole situation becoming even more shitty for me because it's a chore that doesn't have any results that i'm happy with.

what do i do, Veeky Forums? just fucking kill myself? i've thought about it, but i'm too much of a pussy to do that too.

>i have NEVER been athletic and i'm not interested in sports or weightlifting

I'm sorry but you sound like a fucking faggot.

Do SS+GOMAD. I don't care what you think you want.

Just read the fucking sticky for fucks sake.

i did and none of it was helpful or motivating. i’m shitposting my feelings here to see if i went wrong somewhere, but i’m expecting mostly chad feedback anyway. i’m not even sure why i bothered typing this out man

Really sorry but you sound like a huge faggot

>chad feedback
No, this is what normal people do. Just fucking start lifting. I have never met someone who lifted for longer than 3 months that hates it.

yeah i am man. i’ll probably just fucking kill myself, i’m of no use to anybody

Woah there horsey. You're right, but that's no reason to quit. You know who are quitters? Nigger. That's who. Are you a man or a nigger?

SS+GOMAD NOW

???

friendo wtf you sound sad


start just by counting your calories
eat less than 10-12 x your bodyweight in lbs
eat food from the edge of the grocery store
eat 0.7 x your body weight in lbs grams of protein
stop drinking/using drugs
get 8 hours sleep each night

do this for a few weeks and you'll start feeling better and eventually you'll be able to workout with more success

THIS HAS TO BE BAIT OH MY GOD.
As other anons have already said, do SS and quit being a faggot ! You sound like a women saying shit like, "I don't wanna get big" LIFT. BIG. MAN. If you need "motivation" you're already fucked, just look at yourself and realize you need to get your ass in the gym and make a positive change, FUCK.

this isn’t bait. did you even read what i typed? one month and zero results i’m happy with, mentally and physically

You didn't know what you were doing and you're surprised you got no results?

i’ll try SS but this seems like more of the same tracking/diary keeping i was suggested. i really don’t want to carry around a fucking book or reference guide every minute of my life just to be in normal shape.

1. Eat clean. Learn to cook healthy food. You don't want a quick fix diet. You can start with no bread and no fizzy drinks though. Don't make drastic changes all in one go. You won't last long.

2. SS stands for starting strength. It's for complete weaklings like yourself. It will bring you up to a half decent level. You don't need to progress further than you want to but it will at least give you some functional stress so you don't have to ask your girl to open jars for you.

1/2
I am here to help, no "chad" shit, no normal Veeky Forums bullshit, I'll just be honest. Excuse the "Reddit spacing" - I'm making it easier to read for you.

I'm not sure you'll like what I'm going to say though, but that's because you seem to have a defeatist attitude. The good news is that is your very problem, so we'll work on fixing it.

Firstly, it's quite simple - calories in / calories out. If you eat more than you burn off, you put on weight, simple.

As someone with a "high metabolism" you stayed skinny because you didn't eat enough. Now you think your metabolism has changed, but it hasn't. THIS IS KEY.

The difference between the fastest and slowest metabolisms is something like 220kcal per day. That's a couple of apples or an egg.

The simple fact is, fat people eat too much, skinny people don't eat enough. That's it. Everything else is just excuses.

You didn't eat enough your entire life, so were skinny. Then you started eating more, and put on weight.

This is GOOD news, because it means there hasn't been some innate change in your body - if you eat less fatty shit, exercise, and eat clean, you'll gain muscle and lose fat. IF you're not interested in getting "ripped" and just want to lose weight, even easier - just eat less. That's it.

However, the BAD news is you're displaying the classical symptoms of someone with low testosterone. Don't worry, it's extremely common and there's a LOT of research being done right now into using testosterone to treat problems in men. Not by idiot bodybuilders either, but by doctors. British doctors too. Not saying British doctors are better than American ones, they just don't have the hands of pharma companies down their pants.

Depression, anxiety, low muscle tone, fat gain, poor confidence and drive, tiredness, lack of energy, and even suicide are symptoms of low test. Why do you think a graph of male suicide rates almost perfectly coincides with a graph of male testosterone drops?

Cont...

There is probably an app for SS. There is for SL5*5 which is a similar program. If there isn't and you really want that convenience, do sl5*5 instead.

A wall of text about having not read the sticky. Just fucking google any workout you fucking autist. You think your going to wake up with 15 less pounds of fat and 15 more pounds of muscle from doing too many pushups this week?

don’t even bother responding if you’re not going to read my situation, you’re the exact troll attitude chad that i’m ignoring

i think you’re right user, thanks for some clarity. i don’t want to be like this and it feels like a hole because other people on the internet seem intent on shaming me for it

2/2

I was in your boat, all those symptoms. Always hated PE in school, and totally refused to do it the last three years of high school. I could never put on weight, had panic attacks, anxiety, and unlike you, simply couldn't eat to gain muscle. I knew what to eat and how much, and forced myself to gradually, but I'd just throw it right back up.

GP put me on mirtazapine. I was VERY against using such drugs, mainly as my Mum has experience with pretty much all of them on the market! But she was fine on mirtazapine but had to come off because it causes weight gain. So I gave it a try for that reason alone. Didn't work. Anxiety and appetite was even worse, plus I was a zombie. I got a job doing PR for some very big DJs (which you'll all have heard of) at the time, and was just wiped out. PR is utter shite anyway and I wanted out, but the drugs made the decision for me. I had to jack it in.

So I went to my GP again, asked for bloods, and guess what? Low test. Bingo.

Annoyingly the NHS limit for TRT is 9nmol/L, I was 12.1, so just over, but as it's taken from a cross-section of the population, that's still average for an 80-odd year old man.

So I started my first Test E cycle - 15 weeks, 600mg p/w. My life changed. I was energetic, I had drive, I could eat like a horse, my lifts went through the roof, and I put on two stone of muscle during the cycle. Biggest thing though was the panic and anxiety - vanished.

Now I'm off, and going through PCT. Not too bad, certainly no-where near as bad as coming of mirtazipene (which was hell on earth), lifts down a little, appetite not quite as good, but still no panic. Going to see where I'm at after PCT and might consider cruising. It's for life, sure, but at least my test levels will be normal. I'd inject test even if it made me LOSE weight (despite my main goal to get fucking shredded) simply for the mental health aspects. It is literally a life-saver.

READ, READ, RESEARCH, AND GO TO YOUR DOCTOR.

This is fucking pathetic dude.

interestingly enough i just did a blood test and got this back. says i’m healthy internally but i don’t feel like it...

100% chance this guy is a pol tard.

yeah i am. thanks for nothing Veeky Forums, i’m probably just going to kill myself tonight

>i have NEVER been athletic and i'm not interested in sports or weightlifting

fuck off then and get your advice from Veeky Forums and /lgbt/ faggot.

It'd be a net gain for the world as a whole

this is the hate and demotivation i needed, thanks for nothing i’ll see you guys never

Jesus man, what do you even want? you can loose weight just by eating less calories. Just don't eat anything with added sugar and don't pound foods that are just carbs (like rice, cereal and bread).

What you should do is find out what you really want because no one wants to read a fucking sob story about how ignorant you are and how fragile your feelings and sense of motivation are.

>Implying we could demotivate someone as pathetically unmotivated as you

>i'm a 29yo white male. over the past three years, my metabolism went off a cliff.
Being sedentary is one of the worst things for human health. you are becoming less sensitive to insulin, your testosterone is falling, and your cortisol is probably high.
>i work the night shift at my job from midnight to 8am. i smoke weed daily to keep away anxiety and overall depression from my shit life and physical shape. i've been on (((antidepressants))) and SSRIs too, but they just zap my brain and cause even more weight.
I take it back, all of your endocrine system is fucked up. your hippocampus is shrinking, your amygdala is growing, your cortisol is chronically high, your pineal gland doesnt know what to do with melatonin anymore, etc. Get off night shift, this is square one. If you can't do this, nothing else will fall into place. So many problems will be solved if you get back into a normal circadian rhythm. try Wellbutrin, its a non ssri non snri that has the boon of suppressing appetite.

>nothing about gym culture appeals to me at all.
fuck you do something else then. you're whining to the wrong crowd. Lifting isn't nearly as bad as you're making it out to be. Do some nonsense bodybuilding.com circuit and you'll feel/look infinitely better.

>i tried researching how to eat better, but there's a trillion diet fads
eat more vegetables, and less processed shit. start there. worry about the rest later.

>M'tabolism

the real pathetic dweeb is someone putting a man down when he’s depressed. are you a sociopath or did your parents just not hug you enough? fuck off

Veeky Forums is not your fucking blog. try >>/r9k/

yeah? i just made it mine. fucking sage and go away you annoying niggerbrain

I'm not a sociopath and my parents are wonderful people. Don't project so hard my dude, it's not good for you. Just because you're bitter and hurt doesn't mean others have to be too.

Which bit of this mentions testosterone, free testosterone, SHBG, estrogen, LH, and FSH?

Yeah, thought not.

Your doctor is either an idiot (unlikely) or is trying to avoid the issue because you're young and American, so he knows he can't give you TRT but can rape your wallet for shitty SSRIs and the like.

Am I getting warm?

I'm the guy who wrote the long replies and the blood test reply.

Assuming you're OP, I'll keep this short - do it.

If you can't be bothered to read my responses and help yourself, then you obviously can't be bothered to change.

I don't even feel bad about telling you to kill yourself, because someone like you doesn't even have the mind to do that. You'll just bitch and complain and never change.

Fuck me. Saving this.

There's a difference between just being a dick and trying to help someone. This guy needs some tough love, and we've tried to give it to him. Yet he doesn't seem to want to listen.

It's like the fat girl in the group of friends - they've all found a hot guy in the club, and she's crying that no-one fancies her. Her friends are saying "no babes, you're beautiful, these guys are just assholes" despite planning to go back to "assholes" apartment and get fucked senseless.

The real kindess would be to say "no babes, you're just fat. You're probably more attractive than me, you're just 10 stone overweight. I'm just going home now to get my cunt ploughed by that guy I've been speaking to, but tomorrow we'll get you on the road to recovery. We're sisters, and we'll get through this together."

Oh boy, a self-defeating manchild making a blogpost.

You want to get back to 160lbs?
>Eat less

You want to get back to 160lbs, make your wife happy, and be a role model for your kids?
>Eat less and hit the gym more

That or keep doing what you're doing. Let us know when your wife leaves you because you couldn't take care of yourself, let alone your family.