Hey there Veeky Forums, here's my situation:

THIS HAS TO BE BAIT OH MY GOD.
As other anons have already said, do SS and quit being a faggot ! You sound like a women saying shit like, "I don't wanna get big" LIFT. BIG. MAN. If you need "motivation" you're already fucked, just look at yourself and realize you need to get your ass in the gym and make a positive change, FUCK.

this isn’t bait. did you even read what i typed? one month and zero results i’m happy with, mentally and physically

You didn't know what you were doing and you're surprised you got no results?

i’ll try SS but this seems like more of the same tracking/diary keeping i was suggested. i really don’t want to carry around a fucking book or reference guide every minute of my life just to be in normal shape.

1. Eat clean. Learn to cook healthy food. You don't want a quick fix diet. You can start with no bread and no fizzy drinks though. Don't make drastic changes all in one go. You won't last long.

2. SS stands for starting strength. It's for complete weaklings like yourself. It will bring you up to a half decent level. You don't need to progress further than you want to but it will at least give you some functional stress so you don't have to ask your girl to open jars for you.

1/2
I am here to help, no "chad" shit, no normal Veeky Forums bullshit, I'll just be honest. Excuse the "Reddit spacing" - I'm making it easier to read for you.

I'm not sure you'll like what I'm going to say though, but that's because you seem to have a defeatist attitude. The good news is that is your very problem, so we'll work on fixing it.

Firstly, it's quite simple - calories in / calories out. If you eat more than you burn off, you put on weight, simple.

As someone with a "high metabolism" you stayed skinny because you didn't eat enough. Now you think your metabolism has changed, but it hasn't. THIS IS KEY.

The difference between the fastest and slowest metabolisms is something like 220kcal per day. That's a couple of apples or an egg.

The simple fact is, fat people eat too much, skinny people don't eat enough. That's it. Everything else is just excuses.

You didn't eat enough your entire life, so were skinny. Then you started eating more, and put on weight.

This is GOOD news, because it means there hasn't been some innate change in your body - if you eat less fatty shit, exercise, and eat clean, you'll gain muscle and lose fat. IF you're not interested in getting "ripped" and just want to lose weight, even easier - just eat less. That's it.

However, the BAD news is you're displaying the classical symptoms of someone with low testosterone. Don't worry, it's extremely common and there's a LOT of research being done right now into using testosterone to treat problems in men. Not by idiot bodybuilders either, but by doctors. British doctors too. Not saying British doctors are better than American ones, they just don't have the hands of pharma companies down their pants.

Depression, anxiety, low muscle tone, fat gain, poor confidence and drive, tiredness, lack of energy, and even suicide are symptoms of low test. Why do you think a graph of male suicide rates almost perfectly coincides with a graph of male testosterone drops?

Cont...

There is probably an app for SS. There is for SL5*5 which is a similar program. If there isn't and you really want that convenience, do sl5*5 instead.

A wall of text about having not read the sticky. Just fucking google any workout you fucking autist. You think your going to wake up with 15 less pounds of fat and 15 more pounds of muscle from doing too many pushups this week?

don’t even bother responding if you’re not going to read my situation, you’re the exact troll attitude chad that i’m ignoring

i think you’re right user, thanks for some clarity. i don’t want to be like this and it feels like a hole because other people on the internet seem intent on shaming me for it